Scheme of Things
Scheme of Things
Needing And Wanting
"I need a bar," her two-year old voice stated, referring to a breakfast bar she sometimes eats. "No," I said coaching her on word usage, "you want a bar." "No Nana! I need a bar," she loudly restated in case her grandmother (that's me) hadn't been tracking her request.
Jul 1, 2009 - 6:07:08 PM
Scheme of Things
State of Mind
The call came as we were leaving on a typical Montana Friday. Whenever possible, my husband and I spend the weekend at our off-the-grid cabin on the North Fork of the Flathead River. Today we were anxious to get the car loaded, enjoy the beautiful weather, and begin a relaxing jaunt to our mountain oasis.
Jun 2, 2009 - 11:21:09 AM
Scheme of Things
From the Inside Out
Like a music box waiting for a button to be pushed to play its song and reveal its inner beauty, I've found myself waiting, at times, for the equivalent of a button-push in my life. I call it my when-button. Over the years that button has included many "whens:" when I lose weight; when we move to Montana; when finances get stronger; when the next book is under contract; when I have more time; when ... when ... when.
May 2, 2009 - 11:37:44 AM
Scheme of Things
Today's Fountain of Youth
A hundred years ago, the woman my granddaughter was named after was a young girl. The average wage-earner was paid twenty-two cents an hour, few homes had bathtubs, and ninety-four percent of Americans didn't finish high school; not to mention the social inequities, medical perspectives, and travel limitations of those times.
Apr 1, 2009 - 4:19:06 PM
Scheme of Things
Word Flowers
It was a purchase made years ago, fading now like wallpaper into the background. At the time, my father was diagnosed with Alzheimer's and my parents' dream of a retirement filled with family, friends, and exploring the world was obliterated.
Mar 8, 2009 - 11:20:38 AM
Scheme of Things
They Count
In second-day clothes after a canceled flight, we used the provided kits to brush our teeth and create some semblance of presentability for this unexpected stay. Working from a darkened hallway after room check-out, we waited for the evening shuttle to take us back to the airport, hoping for a positive outcome during this winter blast.
Feb 2, 2009 - 11:52:46 PM
Scheme of Things
Life's Illusion
Her words stopped me. I knew she was right and yet my illusion of a happily-ever after fairy tale life clung like a barnacle to my soul. Describing years of despair after being widowed as a young military wife with two children under four, this guest on my radio show described her life's evolution and decades-later conclusion this way, "None of us get a perfect life," she said.
Jan 6, 2009 - 11:26:39 AM
Scheme of Things
My Mother's Gift
I found nothing in the usual places. Would Mom hide her in the room I shared with my brother? As I dragged the straight chair across the wood floor, I wondered. Standing tall on tip toes, my fingers almost touched the knob above the closet door. Piling books on the chair, I climbed up again. This time, opening the cabinet that held extra blankets and family pictures, I found the shoe box.
Dec 1, 2008 - 9:11:52 PM
Scheme of Things
Growing Differences
More than likely, by the time you read this message, the decision will have been rendered. After months of posturing, positioning, and speculating, the question will have an answer. Voters will have voted, nasty ads will have subsided, and nightly news will be filled with something other than the latest political nuance or candidate slipup or pundit pontification. We'll be back to normal perhaps, as we await the next four years of new leadership.
Nov 1, 2008 - 6:16:53 PM
Scheme of Things
Defining Moments
The storm arrived unexpectedly, transforming an idyllic day on the lake into a defining life moment. At the time, too young to know if my mother's panic was well-founded, her increasing alarms that the shore was too far to swim to, and her escalating worry that we might drown, quickly alerted me to the precarious situation.
Oct 6, 2008 - 7:32:29 PM
Scheme of Things
Getting That From You
As I passed the nurses' station an Asian woman stopped me. "You're Nancy's daughter, aren't you?" she queried. I nodded as she stated what I've heard since I was small, "You look so much like her."
Sep 3, 2008 - 9:14:02 PM
Scheme of Things
Sharing Life
You'd think after thirty-three years of togetherness, my husband and I might have conquered communicating about money. But I'm more risk tolerant than he is, and a recent flair of tempers and mutual frustration highlighted our divergent spending and investment viewpoints. It also crystallized that communication mastery with each other still needs work. Whether mastery ever happens, I don't know.
Aug 6, 2008 - 12:14:23 AM
Scheme of Things
Embarrassing Connection
You see, Americans don't have a monopoly on crazy, rude, impolite, obnoxious behavior. Every nationality has a few people whose behavior makes you wants to collectively roll your eyes. Everyone knows some weird cousin or aunt or sibling or friend we'd like to apologize for from time to time when they display "idiot behavior."
Jul 3, 2008 - 1:52:32 PM
Scheme of Things
Understanding "All Done"
"All done," our fifteen month old granddaughter motioned, using infant sign language to communicate the desire she couldn't yet speak. It wasn't the message her parents or grandparents expected as the waitress put a long awaited grilled cheese sandwich in front of her.
Jun 3, 2008 - 8:23:01 PM
Scheme of Things
Fastening Seatbelts
There was turbulence on the plane. Not the soft, rolling bumps that gently remind you that you're thirty-one thousand feet above the ground in a metal cylinder, but the shake side to side, sudden-drop kind that flip-flops your stomach. The announcement was made several times for passengers to stay seated with seatbelts fastened and return to their seats quickly since more turbulence was expected. The seat belt sign stayed illuminated.
May 2, 2008 - 2:48:03 PM
Scheme of Things
Chance Encounters
While growing up, I heard my mother tell the story of how she traveled alone in winter on a train from Montana, via Minneapolis, to Sioux City, Iowa, with my then eighteen-month-old brother. Loaded with baby paraphernalia, the conductor suggested she exit on the left side since it would not be as crowded. So at the Minneapolis station, she disembarked on the quiet side of the train with suitcase, diaper bag, toddler, and stroller.
Apr 3, 2008 - 11:12:57 AM
Scheme of Things
Recognizing the Little Things
The signs are clear when I've had enough vacation. The day's adventure feels more like work than play, the intriguing restaurant holds no appealing offerings, and the normal antics of children (or their parents) no longer make me smile. That was my state as we boarded the tired-children-filled plane in Orlando.
Mar 5, 2008 - 11:32:09 PM
Scheme of Things
Feeling Green
Recognizing the lump in my chest was not one of congratulations, I stared at the card, brushing my feelings aside as I searched for congratulatory words to craft the note to an acquaintance. But my words were as hallow as my heart, and I put the card away.
Feb 2, 2008 - 8:29:24 PM
Scheme of Things
Evolving Rainbows
A hundred people I didn't know gathered on the top floor of a New York City hotel. A few sought fame or fortune but most were there undertaking an endeavor with the hope of making a difference, sharing their story to help others, or bringing awareness to people in need.
Jan 11, 2008 - 4:59:57 PM
Scheme of Things
Seeing the Love
It was an ordinary, early-December day. A wisp of snow teased the asphalt driveway, as if deciding whether to stick or not. I noticed the box hugging the front door as my car edged toward the garage.
Dec 6, 2007 - 2:25:29 PM
Scheme of Things
Taming Monsters
Old enough to know there were no monsters in my room, I still anguished over the walk to my darkened space. As the get-ready-for-bed ritual commenced, the fear emerged. Afraid of what the darkness might hold, I longed to ask my mom or dad or older brother to walk me to my room and check for monsters. But I knew I'd grown old enough to handle that responsibility and was expected to deal with bedroom monsters on my own.
Nov 7, 2007 - 4:26:59 PM
Scheme of Things
Sharing Spaces
Seated at a window table of a nice hotel restaurant, tired after an emotionally grueling day brimming with eldercare and family dynamics, my husband and I were enjoying a glass of wine and slowly unwinding. Our relaxation was short-lived. Rambunctious children seated at a nearby table continually drew our attention as their antics increased, and their parents relinquished what little control they commanded.
Oct 8, 2007 - 12:12:31 PM
Scheme of Things
Seeking Answers
In the Scheme of Things is a monthly life reflections column by Nan S. Russell. Seeking Answers is her September column which begins: It was not the day I planned. Pulled from a lazy, dozing, Saturday morning at our cabin, to my brother's serious, there's-a-problem-voice on the phone, I listened as he described the challenging new incidents with our eighty-five year old, mentally declining, mother. Now...
Sep 19, 2007 - 11:21:31 PM
Scheme of Things
Cleaning the Closet
In the Scheme of Things is a monthly life reflections column by Nan S. Russell. Cleaning the Closet is her June column which begins: Long overdue, the task avoided my endeavors until forced to address the overfilled shelves, stuffed hanging rods, and disappearing floor space. It wasn't the bulging ...
Jun 10, 2007 - 8:10:50 PM
Scheme of Things
Falling Down
In the Scheme of Things is a monthly life reflections column by Nan S. Russell. Falling Down is her May column which begins: "I was sitting on the curb, once again, gingerly removing tiny rocks glued to my bloodied skinned knee. Determined to master my new ..."
May 9, 2007 - 1:35:21 PM
Scheme of Things
Celebrating the Possibilities
In the Scheme of Things is a monthly life reflections column by Nan S. Russell. Celebrating the Possibilities is her March column which begins: Feeling the warmth of her tiny body against mine, noting her expressive face, pouty mouth and delicate fingers, I watched as my fifteen-day-old granddaughter slept with carefree abandon. In an era where woman ...
Mar 11, 2007 - 4:38:59 PM
Scheme of Things
Wanting What You Want
In the Scheme of Things is a monthly life reflections column by Nan S. Russell. Wanting What You Want is her February column which begins: Pouring myself a bowl of soup from the buffet line, I noticed a teenage boy standing slightly behind a grandmotherly woman eyeing the last piece of chocolate cake. After a contemplative pause, she reached for apple cobbler, and the teenager swooped in on his prize. Turned out ...
Feb 14, 2007 - 11:40:10 PM
Scheme of Things
Possessing Me
In the Scheme of Things is a monthly life reflections column by Nan S. Russell. Possessing Me is her January column which begins: I don't know what possessed me. But, possessed I was. I'd never attempted anything like it before. But I decided I had to; just had to ...
Jan 8, 2007 - 12:38:05 AM
Scheme of Things
Judging Others
In the Scheme of Things is a monthly life reflections column by Nan S. Russell. Judging Others is her February column which begins: "You'd be so much prettier without those freckles," my high school boyfriend commented as we walked hand-in-hand along a California beach during spring break. "Why don't you ...
Feb 1, 2006 - 12:24:00 PM
Scheme of Things
Happily Ever After
In the Scheme of Things is a monthly life reflections column by Nan S.
Russell. Happily Ever After is her November column which
begins: In the Montana town where I live, the two block Main Street offers a
unique combination of one-of-a-kind shops, local crafts, and potential
treasures. So when out of town guests come to visit, shopping is typically part
of the agenda. And so it was recently with friends visiting from the east coast.
But that afternoon ...
Nov 3, 2006 - 12:06:00 PM
Scheme of Things
Pushing Time
In the Scheme of Things is a monthly life reflections column by Nan S. Russell. Pushing Time is her September column which begins: Carpeting the forests, hills and meadows in northwestern Montana, plants burst through the thick, muddy, spring snow-melt, as if determined to reach their full potential before the short growing season ends. Sometimes my life feels like those plants look - accelerating like a time-lapsed video.
Sep 6, 2006 - 1:21:00 PM
Scheme of Things
Tripping Over Reminders
In the Scheme of Things is a monthly life reflections column by Nan S.
Russell. Tripping Over Reminders is her August column which
begins: Tired and a bit jet lagged, I headed for the nearest ladies room
after disembarking from the plane. As I started to leave, she held my attention.
Perhaps three, the little girl stood under the hand-dryer holding her hands in
the air ...
Aug 4, 2006 - 11:52:00 AM
Scheme of Things
Pulling Out the Cactus
In the Scheme of Things is a monthly life reflections column by Nan
S. Russell. Pulling Out the Cactus her July column which begins:My
heart was broken for the first time when I was eleven. One day we were
inseparable best friends. The next day, I locked myself in my bedroom refusing
her calls. And even though we played together a few weeks later, it was never
the same. She ...
Jul 6, 2006 - 12:27:00 AM
Scheme of Things
Recognizing the Chameleon
In the Scheme of Things is a monthly life reflections column by Nan S. Russell. Recognizing the Chameleon is her June column which begins: Brown. Green. Blue. Yellow. Red. Black. White. With an unusual ability to change the color of its skin, the chameleon is a lizard-family celebrity. This anomaly for changing colors provides the lizard camouflage, but contrary to popular belief ...
Jun 3, 2006 - 8:48:00 PM
Scheme of Things
Thinking Life
In the Scheme of Things is a monthly life reflections column by Nan S.
Russell. Thinking Life her May column which begins: As a teenager, I
made most of my money babysitting. At least I did until I started refusing after
dark jobs, limiting myself to daylight offers. Why? My thoughts got the best of
me. Once I ...
May 1, 2006 - 5:37:00 PM
Scheme of Things
Looking for Something
In the Scheme of Things is a monthly life reflections column by Nan S.
Russell. Looking for Something her April column which begins: Taped to
the locked door of the deserted ranger station, the handwritten message with
yesterday's date noted that the lava was flowing three miles away. Look for a
lone tree on the western slope of the foothills, it guided. That's all the
information we had as we set out across ...
Apr 2, 2006 - 8:15:00 PM
Scheme of Things
Dreaming Dreams
In the Scheme of Things is a monthly life reflections column by Nan S.
Russell. Dreaming Dreams is her March column which begins: "That's
my dream," I overheard her telling her friend in the dressing room next to mine.
"But it will never happen," her voice dropping as she softly added ...
Mar 1, 2006 - 10:57:00 AM
Scheme of Things
Developing a Friendship
In the Scheme of Things is a monthly life reflections column by Nan S.
Russell. Developing a Friendship is her January column which
begins: I have several good traits, but technical savvy is not among them. So
when attempts at using ...
Jan 1, 2006 - 1:33:00 PM
Scheme of Things
The Wrong Present
In the Scheme of Things is a monthly life reflections column by Nan S. Russell. The Wrong Present is her December column which begins: Somewhere between moving across the country, starting a new job, buying a house and juggling childcare logistics for our then three year old son, Ian, in a state where we knew no one, Christmas was just ...
Dec 1, 2005 - 12:22:00 PM
Scheme of Things
Hearing Music
In the Scheme of Things is a monthly life reflections column by Nan S. Russell.
Hearing Music & is her November column which begins: Memories flood my
senses: a dead elephant's rotting carcass, the stench permeating my skin as a
lion pride with bloated bellies, lounges nearby; herds of elephants crossing a
river at sunset with sounds of splashing water rivaling the elephants'
trumpeting; reed-frogs serenading ...
Nov 1, 2005 - 12:02:00 PM
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