You'd think after thirty-three years of togetherness, my husband and I might have conquered communicating about money. But I'm more risk tolerant than he is, and a recent flair of tempers and mutual frustration highlighted our divergent spending and investment viewpoints. It also crystallized that communication mastery with each other still needs work. Whether mastery ever happens, I don't know.

But I do know after all this time, sharing our lives in meaningful, connected, loving ways is both harder and more wonderful than I ever expected when exchanging heart-crafted vows on a mountainside three decades ago. So as our anniversary approaches, it seems a good time to reflect on a few things I've learned along the way:

~ Words thrown out in anger with the intention to sting pierce the heart with accuracy and can never be fully recalled. I've learned to swallow the urge to hurl them.

~ Offering an "I'm sorry" when the words stick in my throat as my ego still claims I've been wronged is difficult. But I say the words anyway to nudge open a door to dialogue.

~ Love is not a screensaver that comes alive when I need it or want it to appear. It's a verb requiring daily nurturing and focused attention. Love is an action. It's something I need to do, not something I wait to get.

~ We grow and evolve as people. Who I am in my fifties is different from that twenty-five year old bride. That's true of others, too. "Seeing" him means opening my eyes to him today, and eliminating my yesterday assumptions and baggage.

~ Weathering "life-happens" storms can wear us down, stress us out, and disconnect us while heightening our frustrations, fears, and disappointments that we unintentionally take out on each other. Keeping our grounding means remembering why we fell in love in the first place, and doing it again and again and again, year after year after year.

~ We don't want to complete each other, fill in missing gaps for each other, or find our whole through each other. We're not out to change each other or morph to be what one of us thinks the other wants. What I learned is that our relationship works best when we create an honoring soul-space between us where we can each bring who we are, unconditionally, with naked acceptance and raw vulnerability.

In the scheme of things, sharing our lives can be difficult, challenging, and complex. It can also be exuberant, soulful, and life-altering. I discovered our young love was, indeed, a magical bubble that started us out, but it's the seasoned, deepening love that sustains us. So at the end of any great day or not so great one, there's one place I want to be. That's nestled in the arms of my best friend and amazing husband. Happy Anniversary Dan!

(c) 2008 Nan S. Russell.  All Rights Reserved.

Nan S. Russell is the author of "Hitting Your Stride: Your Work, Your Way." More about Nan and her work can be found at www.nanrussell.com.