Behind glass doors a turret shaped music box sits, protected from the nicks and bumps of traffic, vacuums, and curious fingers. Intricately hand-painted scenes decorate its teal blue surface, crowned with a gold cherub. Push the button and eight narrow doors open to the sound of Laura's Theme from Dr. Zhivago, revealing a miniature Versailles-like room with a harp playing in the center.
Like that music box waiting for a button to be pushed to play its song and reveal its inner beauty, I've found myself waiting, at times, for the equivalent of a button-push in my life. I call it my when-button. Over the years that button has included many "whens:" when I lose weight; when we move to Montana; when finances get stronger; when the next book is under contract; when I have more time; when ... when ... when.
These are the times I live my life in two pieces. One a place holder filled with daily tasks of living; the other my real life that's out there waiting for the when-button to be activated.
That second life has music playing, where dreams, aspirations, and ideal concepts come together as beautifully as an airbrushed magazine cover. That's the magical life with roses and sunshine and wishes come true. I'm sure it's down the road a bit, after the next pothole, when this crisis passes, or when things settle down. Then, my real life will start. Then, I will be happy.
But what if the when-button is never activated? What if I don't lose the weight, get the next contract, sell the house, or reach the goal? What then? Do I remain like a music box on the shelf, looking out at the world waiting for something or someone to push a button that starts my life and makes me happy? Of course not.
Yet I'm living the equivalent as I set up self-scenarios that when X happens, I will do this, be this, or feel this; or believing when Y appears, my life will be better; or when Z happens things will finally be perfect.
But I know things will never be perfect. Everyone's life has hiccups, potholes, and struggles along the way. So, like the refrigerator magnet wisdom to: "Enjoy this moment, for this moment is your life," I need to periodically pause to remind myself that my real life is already here and time's a wasting.
In the scheme of things, happiness comes from the inside out. It's not out there waiting for me to find it, earn it, or be given it. Like the doors of that music box, it's when I open myself to the world, and embrace its wonders, challenges, and disappointments that I activate that when-button for living, and play my own life's music.
(c) 2009 Nan S. Russell. All Rights Reserved.
Nan S. Russell is the award-winning author of "Hitting Your Stride: Your Work, Your Way." More about Nan and her work can be found at www.nanrussell.com. Author of "Hitting Your Stride: Your Work, Your Way" (Capital Books; January 2008) Sign up to receive Nan's free monthly eColumn at: www.intheschemeofthings.com.
