While I myself have not had 'your past,' Michelle, I also know what it is like to suffer 'a whisper campaign' (and worse), and this is what I learned.

When I asked my counsellor (yes it got so bad that I needed emotional help), why it was, that 'these' people were telling lies to destroy me, when there were real things that could cause me embarrassment, I was advised that 'the truth cannot be controlled'. Partial truth is used to promote a lie, and lies are hard to disprove.

If you can disprove something in the lie, the story will be (justifiably) change just enough to still do you damage, whilst still promoting a lie. "Power and Control" are the issues.

I too had many accusations made against me, and when I opened up my life and challenged all the accusers to sit down and bring their evidence and discuss the issues, NOBODY WOULD.

When I asked the counsellor why this was so, he told me that most people who jump on the 'smear campaign bandwagon', do so, because they have secrets in their own lives, either exactly the same, or similar to, those accusations that they are making against someone else.

They do it so as to avoid having their own lives scrutinised. They will not accept a face to face, 'let's put it all on the table' type exercise, because if you tell the truth about yourself, or allow your life to be publicly examined, they must likewise submit, and this they could never do.

When I asked, why it was that the Christian Ministers who were fronting the campaign against me, would not abide by their own religious principles, I was advised that 'unfortunately, the higher is your power position in life, the more you risk'. I was told that these people would never follow their own beliefs. (I was not a part of their organisation, but some of the boarders - recovering alcoholics - in my house were).

He told me that two ministers in particular were obviously (to him) concealing dark secrets.

I won't go into details, but eventually these two had their secrets exposed, not by anything I or any other person did, but because their fear got the better of them, and led them into 'self-revealing' situations. The top guy of the organisation, who tried to 'hide' everything behind a 'cover up of lies', ended up being exposed for a number of things, and eventually was sent packing.

Like you and Ken, I did not seek any dirt on anyone, but I did fight for the 'truth', and if that meant revealing things I would have preferred to have remained silent on, then so be it.

In the end, their house of cards collapsed, and I sat back laughing, not because I won, not because they got exposed, but because it was their own envy and malice that was their undoing.

During my time of troubles, two Christian friends told me that God wanted me to know that 'the truth will set you free'. I had no idea what this was supposed to mean, but in the end I realised two things.

When you put your life 'out there' for people to examine, it gives you a sense of freedom, because you no longer have fear of being 'exposed'. And when you do stand up and do this, something strange happens; the accusers end up copping the judgement that they pronounced on you; and that TRUTH, is very satisfying.

There are a few things I have learned in life so far.

• Some people never let the truth get in the way of a good story.
• To the pure, all things are pure.
• Those who are very pleased to pass judgement, often get it back 'in spades'. (There is a New Testament scripture that supports this. The Judgement of God upon each person is measured by the judgement they pass out).
• When accusations are made with malice, it reveals more about the accuser's life than the accused.
• When a debater is losing the argument, they swap debate for emotional name calling.

I offer you my best wishes for the future, and express my gratitude to you for having been so open about the situation you are currently facing.

When all is said and done, 'You, at least, have nothing to hide!'.

R.P.Bendedek

Email: rpbendedek@hotmail.com

Note: Because of the recent Server change, some links may not work. This file was amended September 2007.
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R.P.BenDedek is the pseudonym of the Author of 'The King's Calendar: The Secret of Qumran' (www.kingscalendar.com), and is a guest columnist at Magic City Morning Star News. An Australian, he currently teaches Conversational English in China. King's Calendar Social Commentaries may be found at: http://www.kingscalendar.com/cgi-bin/index.cgi?action=viewnews&id=331

"The King's Calendar" is a chronological study of the historical books of the Bible (Kings and Chronicles), Josephus, Seder Olam Rabbah, and the (Essene) Damascus Document of The Dead Sea Scrolls.