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From Magic City Morning Star R.P. BenDedek Part Seventeen in a series of articles about the experiences of an Australian Conversational English Teacher in Hong Hu, Hubei Province China. Self published author of 'The King's Calendar:The Secret of Qumran', (a study in the history and chronology of Israel and Judah), R.P. BenDedek is a pseudonym. MY PARENTAL J( OY) S IN CHINA
The three boys are Xie Qin Chao (in the dark shirt); Zhang Ming Xing (in the white shirt); and Zhan Yan in the striped blue shirt). This story is about my life with them and to cap the story off, I have included a copy of the email that QC (Xie Qin Chao) sent to both my brother and I. More of that later.
A few nights later he turned up again after school (9:30pm) and talked with me until a little after midnight. The following night he arrived again and as it got closer to midnight I asked him if he lived in the school dormitory, because if so, he must have had some trouble getting out of the residential complex and into the school the night before, for both places are secured at midnight. He informed me that he boarded with a teacher in the residential complex, but that in fact, the previous night he had got into a lot of trouble, for since he has no key to the apartment, he had to bang on the door until someone woke up to let him in. To make a long story short, he asked me if he 'could sleep with me'. The phraseology took me aback for a moment before realising that it was 'chinglish' for "Can I stay the night". I agreed to his request. When it came time to go to bed, I walked into my bedroom and grabbed him a pillow and quilt. As I turned around, he was right behind me, so I pushed the bedding into his arms. He had this really strange look on his face which made me wonder if he had literally meant that he wanted to sleep with me. I was to discover that 'it is normal' for honoured guests to share the bed of their host. A husband will sleep with the visitor rather than sleep with his wife. The next time he asked if he could stay over I said that it was fine, and asked him if he was offended with me for making him sleep in the lounge room on the previous occasion. He said that he was not.
Occasionally when he was finished on the computer, he would lay on the bed and talk to me for awhile, before retiring to the lounge room for the night. One night I awoke to find him asleep on my bed. Sometime during the night, he climbed under the covers. After that, he continued to sleep in my bed. I realise for a western person this is really strange if not downright criminal, but in China it is usual. I did not find it 'usual' for quite a while, and had difficulty sleeping at first. Eventually it became quite "normal." As the summer holidays approached, I noticed that Qin Chao would say things which, had he been western, I would have understood to be "hints." I got the feeling that he wanted to move into my spare room. I spoke to my liaison officer about it because I was unsure if I was understanding him correctly. I also needed to know what the school position would be on such a matter, ("It is normal") and I did not wish to give offence to QC by 'failing' to invite him if that was what he wanted me to do. Eventually I just asked him outright if he had been hinting. He replied that the thought of boarding with me had never even crossed his mind, but now that I had raised the matter, he would consider it. To cut a long story short, I organised a bed for him and he moved into the spare room.
Just after the Summer holidays commenced I was in town with a student named Zhang Ming Xing, when we were approached by a lady who wanted me to "teach" her nephew. Having made clear to her that my contract did not allow it, I agreed to allow him to visit me next day, for my contract did not forbid me from having visitors. At the duly appointed time, Aunty, Mother, Grandma, and 13 year old Zhan Yan arrived. After about an hour of conversation with QC as interpreter, the women departed leaving Zhan Yan to spend some time talking with me. A few hours later when they had not reappeared QC advised me that it was their intention to leave the boy with me overnight. About 5 hours later they came back to drop off a change of clothes and a few of his personal belongings, and without so much as "Is this OK by you?" left, - AND RETURNED ONE WEEK LATER TO COLLECT HIM.
I asked QC where the boy thought that he would sleep, and he informed me that he expected to sleep with me. Imagining newspaper headlines, I objected, suggesting that he sleep with QC. He in turn objected that he didn't want this stranger sleeping with him, and so it was decided that Zhan Yan would sleep in the lounge. When I went to look for him, I found him stripped to his knickers in MY bed. At the end of that week, I returned to Australia, but as soon as I got back, Zhan Yan appeared back on my doorstep, and from then on spent every weekend at my place. I now had two boarders, and to make matters worse, before I left for Australia, my bed collapsed, and with the summer heat increasing, all three of us took to sleeping together on the floor in the lounge. That was soon to change, for not only did I end up with an additional "freeloader," but my 22 year old son arrived for a month, and so there were five of us sleeping on the floor together. When my son's friends ask him what the women in China are like, he says, "I don't actually know! I only slept with Chinese boys!" When they voice their disgust he says: "It's OK! My father does it all the time. He taught me!"
With the advent of the new school year, I came to know a whole new batch of names and faces, many of whom took to visiting me after school. Among these there were the more persistent ones, one of which had attended my Grade Two 'English Corner' evenings when he was in Grade One and being taught by my brother.
Having failed one attempt to enter this school and having been kept down a year, he needed to sit for the next year's exam under a different identity. As he was a very excellent student, this was OK "it is Usual" One night Qu Tao didn't go home. He decided that if the other students could stay here, then so could he, and without a 'by your leave', stayed the night, and continued to stay for several months. Qu Tao is very excellent in English, but unfortunately he is also one of those students that feel that since he is Chinese and my house is in China, that it is not necessary for him to live by Western standards of behaviour.
When they eat, they do so very noisily. "Eat with your mouth closed!" Unwanted food is spat onto the table. "Don't spit! Put it in the bin!" When you provide some food that they particularly like, they overfill their plates so that they can leave some in the fridge for tomorrow, and if you happen to be serving baked potatoes, you have only a few seconds to grab some for yourself, for there is no consideration given to the needs and requirements of others, let alone table manners. They will heap your food onto their plates, and without tasting it, cover it in any type of sauce they can find. When they discover that they don't like it, well - "it doesn't matter" - even if you didn't get a chance to get any of it yourself. I got so peeved with QC one night when he poured tomato and soy sauce over his corned meat and white sauce, and then complained that it was not a very nice meal, that I grabbed the soy bottle and drowned his meal in it. When he said he could no longer eat it, I picked it up and threw it out the window. "Next time you might have the decency to taste the meal before you ruin it!" I screamed. While the other boys obeyed house rules, Qu Tao did not. He constantly threw fruit peelings on the floor, took anything (camera, bike, books) he wanted without asking ("it is normal" - Chinese saying).
Some women may not realise it, but men often find it hard first thing in the morning to go to the toilet. "Pay Attention to what you are doing!" Aim! Hold the bloody thing!" One morning, as he was headed to the toilet, I raced ahead of him. He stopped, looked at me, smiled, turned around, went to the front door and proceeded to urinate onto the pavement outside. (Fortunately it was winter and so quite dark at time of the morning). This he continued to do until the day he left. I told him so many times that if he wanted to live like a Chinese person that he should go live with a Chinese person, that he did! I will point out here that not once did he contribute anything toward the work or cost of any of the meals I provided.
Ming Xing turned out to be of a different "ilk" to the other boys, and has always been considerate enough to learn and obey house rules, one of which is "SPEAK BLOODY ENGLISH". They all carried on about wanting to improve their English and how good I was to let them stay with me, but they were always speaking to each other in Chinese. Zhan Yan owes as much to Ming Xing as to me for his improvement, for Ming Xing soon refused to speak with the other boys unless they spoke in English. He has turned out to be a quick learner, and is an extremely proficient translator. All the boys have learned (much to their credit) to "hear and understand" English at usual conversational speed. Despite his English Speaking abilities, Ming Xing did not do as well as he had hoped in the University Entrance examinations, and, rather than accept the university placement he was offered, is currently redoing Grade 3 in a different high school, and hoping for a better result next year. It is a strange thing indeed that the best Grammar students often cannot speak English very well, while those who can hear it, understand it, and hold a decent conversation, often do badly in Grammar.
By the time I went home to Australia for winter vacation, Qu Tao had made arrangements to board with another teacher, and QC and MX had decided to each contribute 100 RMB to living expenses. Formerly QC paid me the same as he had been paying in his previous accommodations (150RMB), but with me that included meals, a key, and the freedom to come home at lunchtimes. Ming Xing officially moved out of the school dormitory and officially moved in with us. Zhan Yan took to living with me on a semi permanent basis, although he has breakfast and lunch at school, and goes home to his mother's for supper.
His Grandma wants me to stay at this school until Zhan Yan goes to University, and should I move back home before that, she wants me to take him with me as my son. His mother just wants me to be a "father" to him, as she is divorced from her husband. Since Zhan Yan arrives in the evening hours earlier than the others finish school, I have spent much more time with him, and have had a few good chuckles over the way he behaves. He will often come in, having stopped off to play some basketball with his friends. He says hello and then proceeds to the washing machine, where he strips naked, throwing his clothes into the machine. He may or may not stop to talk to me before going to the shower, but he always has to look for or ask for his underwear and towel. All of this he does naked. Once he finds his towel, he will hold it over his backside and head to the shower. It is hilarious to watch. Apart from when my youngest son lived with me for 2 years between the ages of 12 and 14, my boys lived with their mother, and so I missed some of these dubious pleasures of being a dad. I had never been required to answer questions about sex, and although I thought I had long ago left behind those tedious tasks of discipline, I found myself once again trying to explain to young boys the dangers of careless behaviour, and enforcing curfews and good manners.
While I was away in ShenZhen, there was a fire in my home. I did not know it of course, and it took three weeks of sitting on those "black" chairs in the dining room before I noticed the black marks. (The brown chairs he concealed in his room). The table and chairs belonged to my brother. Here now is a copy of QC's letter to my brother about the fire. When I asked QC why he didn't tell me when I got back, he said, "I was meaning to send you an email about that, but every time I went to use the computer, you were on it!" Now that's Chinese Logic! I have reproduced the letter just as he typed it with the only editing being that necessary to fit around the photographs. Laughter they say, is very good medicine. Enjoy your medicine!
Hello mate, i am Qin chao, On May day, i was here, i washed my bed sheets, and it was a rainy day, so i put 4 chairs in a square, put my sheets on them,. i had the heater and fan on,they were working , . first i put the heater in front of the sheets , i thought if i put it under the sheet that would be dry much faster, then i did, quite good, so i closed the door and went to watch TV,. after a while, i heard a noise that sounds like some wood was burnning, so quickly i opened the door found the fire scence, as soon as i saw the fire, i cut off the electrisity, run to the toilet and got some water, the small fire was put out,.you don't know, how thick the smoke was! after i went into the room i put the white thing on to cover the my nose,. i spent nearly 1 hour to do the clean work, then i threw the brunt sheet away, that night i slept on sofa, ....
that heater is argly and useless, that's funny , it was burnning but still working, how strong the heater's will was,,,, i like its spirit,...hahaha after that on my white "mouth cover" ,the two points near my nose were black, that thing really did me a faver. then i cleaned the burnt chairs, put them in the position that seldom being used, . so it is hard to discover,,and my mistake would be lighter,(i thought)..
tought i cann't speak to RP, i dicided to stay here after the exam till the late June after all the Unversity things finish,. so i can use the days to speak and improve the oral skill,. And i thought to suggest Ming xing stay here together spend the last happy days,....isn't it a good thing?
for that chairs, my heart feels hurt, 555~~~, but, fouchinnitely(wrong spell), the black brunt marks are not very big, and not easy to tell the differences between the brunt and unbrunt places, only your two chairs joined the battle,only a light injoured, doesn't matter, put down your heart, i will feed them,.~*_*~. my sheets died, they divoted their lives to their great motherland, thay are heroes,. ~^_^~ that gave me a lesson, if i thought more ,that would not happen,... if i thought: when it is dry, the sheet above the heater will not stay still on the chair, it will drop down,.. i used the heater many times to help dry the sheets, and that time it was the first big accident ,bu t the last one,....hei hei ... SORRY FOR THAT, ADDITIONAL PHOTOGRAPHS
R.P.Bendedek Email: rpbendedek@hotmail.com Note: Photographs in this file were amended August 2007. © Copyright 2002-2007 by Magic City Morning Star |
