R.P. BenDedek
Insanity! You Get it From Kids
By R.P. BenDedek
Nov 18, 2005 - 5:11:00 AM

Guo Heyun who calls me three times a week to practice his very limited English.

I've mentioned before that I sometimes get criticism for my comments about China, usually along the lines that I'm racist. I've additionally written about negative comments about me that were posted on an ESL site.

Then the other day I wrote an article entitled: French Riots and Multiculturalism, in which I expressed the idea 'that the multiculturalists do in fact, see themselves as "very superior." I called such people "self righteous" and said that 'The very act of intervening, is of itself a demonstration of the "superiority' of the activists" and that 'the self righteous must become the 'Saviour' of the "downtrodden."

To such people I say today, "Get Ready! Here's another opportunity for you!"

Today's article will provide good opportunity for the "saviours" to come to the defense of the students in one of my classes, for you see, today, 15 minutes before the lesson was due to end, I packed up my gear, turned to the blackboard and wrote: "Goodbye."

As I headed for the door, a student pointed out that I had left my "class file" on the desk. I went to the desk, removed the contents from the folder, and throwing them into the air, looked straight at the students and said: "Goodbye." I then left the classroom. I have no intention of going back.

Why? Well I could be politically correct and state that "I don't feel that there is anything of value that I can contribute to their overall English education!" I could say that because that would be true. Of course, I could just speak the plain truth and say, "They're a bunch of lazy no hopers, who should not be in university let alone be in English Classes."

In fact, just yesterday, a teacher reminded me that these students are my only students who are not "majoring" in English. So I should be patient with them.

"Oh, the poor darlings!" I hear you say. "What a mean and nasty foreign teacher they have!" Well, that's OK. You can call me mean and nasty. I would rather that than go insane by weekly having to endure one and a half hours of tardiness, laziness, and stupidity.

Firstly, to just put things into perspective, I am required to teach 16 x 45 minute classes per week. I in fact teach 24 x 45 minute classes. So firstly, these students are my students because of my willingness to take on the burden. (Oh what a burden!).

From the first day, I knew that these darling first year university students (who have been studying English Grammar now for at least seven years), were "special!" Firstly, no one had the faintest idea what I was saying. It didn't matter how slowly or clearly I spoke, they were lost. I resorted to writing on the blackboard. (ESL teachers please note: WE CONVERSATIONAL ENGLISH teachers get no "assistant/translator." We sink or swim on our own.)

The first thing I made these 22 students do, was write their names in PinYin. This means, to use English alphabet to spell out their names WITH the accompanying accents. Each word of Chinese written in English letters can be pronounced four ways. So without the accent on the vowel, you cannot pronounce the word correctly. (The following week they were asked to check the list. "Oh you spell my name wrong!" - I get so tired of this. I do not spell their names incorrectly. They do! They can't read and write pinyin.)

The next thing I did was to ask each student to come and read for me. My written assessment of one student was O.M.G.!! One girl read so silently, and with so little lip movement, that I could neither hear nor lip read. (Concerning which I have some reasonable ability). She also has the habit of breaking into tears when I look at her!

I spent the rest of the lesson time, making them read, while constantly correcting their pronunciation. I went home that day and thought, "Well, at least this class will be easy! No planning, no thinking, no homework - for me!"

I decided that the best thing to do for them, was teach them "how to hear." With that in mind, I typed up some dialogues from the listening tapes I use (high school tapes - not university). For three weeks, we read and read and read these dialogues, and listened, listened and listened to the tapes. We practiced and practiced. Then I told them, that we will have a test, on the very same dialogues. (I had to write this on the blackboard for them to understand!)

So the day arrived, and guess what? Two students began to write as soon as I began to play the tape, and just continued to write, irrespective of the breaks I gave them to write what they heard. You see, they had memorised the dialogues. They just sat down and wrote them out.

You may find this hard to believe, but Chinese students can memorise a 20 minute monologue - perfectly. They memorise their lesson texts. They might understand nothing. They certainly cannot commence at paragraph two or three: they must start from the first word and go through to the end. However, they can memorise perfectly. So this is what these two girls did.

As for the rest? Well, they could not "hear" what was on the tape, they could not remember what was on the tape, and they did not both to memorise the text of the dialogues. Not a problem!

This week, in lesson one, they had a written test, in which they had to answer 10 questions. They even had the answers given to them to study. They were even allowed to copy the answers from that paper. Result?  They failed, and it took them a full 45 minutes to do so. Mind you, quite a number had significantly less time, because they just turn up to class when they feel like it.

Lesson two today, was Tingli, ie: listening to tapes. The same tapes, the same dialogues that they failed last week. However, after the break, one group of students involved in the school broadcasting courses, were busy at the back of the room having a discussion with their "boss" (from some other class). I just waited patiently for 10 minutes, hoping that the discussion would end and we could continue. Did it end? No! It just continued.

A visiting student translated my comments to this group, which were, "Perhaps if you can discuss your broadcasting while I am having my class, I can go to your broadcasts and start teaching English classes." The sarcasm was lost on them. 'Oh yes! That would be wonderful!"

I just looked to the heavens from which my help comes, and started the lesson. But, my back turned to the class as it was, was like a ringing bell to Pavlov's dog. The whole class began to talk to each other. (If you are not looking at people, they do not hear what you are saying!)

I could not be bothered with it all. I just continued to play each phrase over and over and over again, whilst constantly looking at my watch.

Exactly 15 minutes before the lesson was due to end, I packed up my gear, turned to the blackboard and wrote: "Goodbye."

As I headed for the door, a student pointed out that I had left my "class file" on the desk. I went to the desk, removed the contents from the folder, and throwing them into the air, looked straight at the students and said: "Goodbye." I then left the classroom.

I have no intention of going back.

Insanity! You get it from Kids!

R.P. BenDedek
Email: insanity@hotmail.com

The King's Calendar' is a synchronous chronological presentation of the history of Ancient Israel, as principally recorded in the Biblical books of Kings and Chronicles, and sets forth Apologetics for and the results of R.P.BenDedek's discovery of an "artificial chronological scheme" running through the Books of the Bible, Josephus and the Damascus Documents of the Dead Sea Scrolls. www.kingscalendar.com