In June of this year I posted an article here at Magic City entitled: Staying Sane in China. In that article I wrote: Recently a person in my family wrote and asked why was I continuing to live in China. It was suggested that my life in China is nothing more than a form of escapism from my previous life in Australia. I did not come to China to escape life in Australia. On the other hand, had I known what China was like a lot earlier, maybe I would have.

Shan Tang Sheng Ji SuZhou.

That article was filled with photographs of myself. Yes I know that that is narcissistic, but I wanted to be able to show you photographs of 'me' living my life in China.

In this article, I want to show you some photographs of the area both in and around 'Shan Tang Sheng Ji', which is a street with a history of 1100 years. I can walk there in 30 minutes or ride my bicycle there in 10 minutes.

As I present these photographs, I want to recount to you a little of the book that I am currently writing.

For several years now people have been telling me to write a book about my life in China, but I always thought that it would be a rather redundant exercise, given how many articles I have published.

After the trouble I caused my family back home when I told them that I did not want to go home again this year, I felt somewhat troubled by the fact that I really did not want to go home.

Serenity!

A nice place to sit and have a drink after the tourists have gone.

During my Summer Vacation I spent time in Macao, where for the first time in a long time I was able to watch English language programs on television. Throughout my nine day stay, I watched 'Oprah' everyday, and found myself fascinated by the endless stream of women being paraded before the audience, to recount their marvelous journeys of 'self-discovery'.

The more I found myself identifying with what those women were saying, the more I began to glimpse the 'why' of why I love China, and the 'why' of why I don't want to return home.

By the time I got back to SuZhou, I knew that I wanted to sit down and 'express' my insights into my emotional and mental state of being. And that's what I did. I wrote the first 11 chapters in 14 days, and in this article, I want to present a little from Chapter 11, entitled: 'Time Out'.

I concluded Chapter 10 with 3 jokes, and I commenced Chapter 11 by explaining why I presented them. As I explained my reasoning, I pointed out several 'morals' to be found in those jokes. 'Moral No.1.' was that sometimes there is a discordance between how people perceive us and/or interpret our words and actions, and how we meant our words and actions to be received. I wrote:

• It's very easy for us to accuse others of saying, thinking or meaning something that they never intended to be taken 'that way', because we filter what we hear and read through our own worldview. We can I think, throughout our lives, waste a lot of valuable time by being unnecessarily offended with people. That we remain offended for a long time is indicative of the fact that we never confront a person or our issue so as to clarify the matter. Unfortunately however, because the word 'confront' is synonymous with 'accuse angrily', when we do 'confront' people, we often find ourselves getting more angry.

Taken with my new 6 megapixel camera.

Moral No.2 and No.3 came from the second joke about a transcription error involving the word 'celebRate' and I pointed out that there were two lessons to be learned from the joke.

• The first is that you don't have to change too much, to find that the inner 'joy of life' is replaced with 'inner struggle'.
• The second is that no matter how faithful to the cause you think you might be, and no matter how dedicated you are to 'promoting that cause', sometimes it transpires that you are misguided and have missed the most important aspect of it.

Day and Night Views of the canal in this ancient street

Morals No 4 and No 5 came from the third joke which demonstrated that:

• Whilst we may think we can trust people to lead us where we want to go, often times our trust is misplaced.
• And although we may have mastered some type of learning in our lives, what we have mastered may not only have limited appeal in the broader context of life, but we may not realise that what we mastered, was not what we intended to.

Wonderful ancient architecture made more beautiful by the lighting.

I commenced the Chapter by pointing out that one of the reasons why I entitled the Chapter 'Time Out', was because not only does everyone need to take time out to evaluate or re-evaluate their lives, but everyone needs to take time out to look at the details of life's journey, rather than constantly focussing on the end result.

Ancient music for modern ears. You pay 46rmb to get in just to hear it.

The common element within the jokes I related in Chapter Ten, was that people often get so caught up in themselves and their cause, that they don't take the time to see life from any perspective other than their cause.

So many people are pushing their causes, mastering their craft, and letting no one get in their way, that they sometimes forget to be human. They forget that they too cause offense.

They don't realise that they have left the joy of living behind. They are ignorant of the fact that what they are doing only enables them to communicate with a small percentage of the population. In short, they never take time out to examine or to enjoy the details of their journey.

The secret way to get in without paying.

Recently on a Chinese program called 'Dialogue' on CCTV 9, the presenter Yang Rui, interviewed Dr. Tal Ben-Shahar of Harvard University about his book: Six Tips for Happiness Advice.

One of the things he said was that no matter what your philosophy in life (religious or secular), every human being has a need to have a purpose.

He pointed out that many people who strive and struggle to 'arrive' at their destination, often do so, only to find that they are not happy.

They failed to understand that happiness lies within a person, and comes from their daily living experiences.

Happiness is not something that we import. Of course I always say that if you must be unhappy, then at least be rich, it is easier to cope with.

A beautiful stroll after all the tourists have gone.

The word Reflection has many meanings

Dr. Ben-Shahar made a statement to the effect, that people need to understand that it is from the journey itself that we derive pleasure, not the destination.

In order to find balance in life, people must stop and take time out to look at the day's events, and see the joy that was in it.

Far too often we only reflect on flaws and failures, rather than on joys and successes. True happiness is found in the many small moments in our lives, and we have to remind ourselves daily of all the things we are grateful for and appreciate.

Following his advice, I sat down and wrote out some of the things that I appreciate about my life; a life that has been transformed by living in China, and I want to share them with you.

• I love the countryside in Hong Hu where I taught during my first two years.
• I love the country 'feel' to my current life in SuZhou.
• I love the area in which I live.
• I love being made welcome in the local neighbourhood
• I love the scenery in China
• I love all the fabulous sights in China.
• I love being able to fill a need in Chinese Society
• I love my students
• I love my job
• I love the money they pay me

Night time view of the bridge over the canal leading to the City Wall.

• I love not having to bite my tongue all the time (as I do in the West)
• I love not being called a sexist just because I am a male
• I love not being called a racist just because I am white
• I love not feeling anxious around my children
• I love feeling that my current life has purpose
• I love the way the Chinese take pride in their culture
• I love the ordinary Chinese man's dedication to building a better society

Taken from the bridge at the City wall

• I love the fact that most of the time I am smiling
• I love being able to write about my travels
• I love having people ask me for advice
• I love being greeted by people's smiles
• I love the little one's who get excited at talking to the foreigner
• I love it when ditch diggers grin from ear to ear when I greet them in Chinese

Under the Bridge by the City Wall.

• I love being noticed for who I am
• I love being seen, and seeing those who see me.
• I love walking carefree in the street on which I live
• I love having a peaceful life without the 'thought police' constantly carrying on.
• I love watching the news on TV without the 'bloody images'.
• I love listening to Discussions and debates on TV without all the name calling and accusations.
• I love being able to go anywhere at anytime and feeling safe.
• I love being able to jump on my bike night or day and riding without headlights, helmet or other forms of protection.
• I love not hearing people whine and complain

Up near Shi Lu. Muslim restaurant and alley out front.

• I love not having to listen to people blaming everyone else for everything wrong in the world
• I love not having to bear the blame for every other person's unhappiness
• I love being loved by Chinese friends even when I have upset them
• I love my Chinese friends
• I love being accepted into the lives of their own Chinese families
• I love being loved for just being me!
• I love being me!

Well! Well! Well!

Before I came to China, I felt that I had lost both my past and my future.

This was because in addition to the feeling of 'loss' that divorced men ultimately suffer, (sorry ladies - it's a 'male' thing), I had in the previous decade, lost my parents and eldest sister.

After my mother's death, I fell into complete depression.

I felt like I had gone to sleep one night when I was 18 years old and woken up 30 years later, to discover that I was 'out of sync' with the rest of the world. I lacked any real joy or happiness in my life.

Moreover, in examining what life and the future had to offer, I found little in which I was interested.

I originally only came to China to fill in one year of my life. Little did I expect to like it let alone love the place.

Well! Well! Well! right in the middle of the street!

These last four and a half years have been for me, (quite without realising it), a time of reflection, appreciation, and putting my own life in order.

Whilst it was as hard for me to say as it was for my children to hear, I have realised something about my life in China.

I love my life so much, that returning once a year just to spend an hour or two in polite conversation with whomever can get free from their busy schedules (they all live in different cities), is simply not what I want to do.

You know those times when you feel bored and you just want to get out of the house, and you can't think of anything particular to do, or any particular place to go? Well, when I feel that way, I just hop on my bike and run up the road and survey the living reality that you see presented in these still photographs.

How nice it would be to have my kids visit 'ME', so that I could share with them more than just polite conversation. Yeah! I suppose it is a bit much to hope for. After all, it is the parent who should run after the kids isn't it? Not vice versa. They obviously don't know what they are missing out on!

Yes! I've learned to be grateful for quite a lot since I moved to China!

By the City Wall at night - my favourite place to meditate.

R.P.BenDedek

rpbendedek@hotmail.com

Tower above the city wall in Suzhou.

R.P.BenDedek (pseudonym) is the Author of 'The King's Calendar: The Secret of Qumran (www.kingscalendar.com) and is a contributing columnist at Magic City Morning Star News. From Brisbane in Australia, BenDedek use to belong to a Multi-Faith and Multi-Ethnic family that included Christians and Muslims. He currently teaching Conversational Business English in SuZhou City, Jiangsu Province China.