Part 2 in a series from the full length article Emotional Abuse & Female Emotional Abusers published at King's Calendar com. In this part of the series, we continue discussing Brainwashing and then focus on identifying abusers and their victims.

In Part 1, we looked at the first two sections of the following list.  Today, we will commence with the third.

1. The brainwasher keeps the victim unaware of what is going on and what changes are taking place. The brainwasher puts forth a closed system of logic, and allows no real input or criticism.

2. The brainwasher controls the victim's time and physical environment, and works to suppress much of the victim's old behavior. The victim is slowly, or abruptly, isolated from all supportive persons except the brainwasher.

3. The brainwasher works to instill new behavior and attitudes in the victim.

4. The brainwasher creates in the victim a sense of powerlessness, fear, and dependency.

5. In other words - What he/she/they says, goes.

Section 2. a. (iii)

The brainwasher controls the victim's time and physical environment, and works to suppress much of the victim's old behaviour. The victim is slowly, or abruptly, isolated from all supportive persons except the brainwasher.

When we think of brainwashing, we probably think of totalitarian regimes and fundamentalist religion. It is interesting therefore to read Michael Brooks article entitled: Fundamentalists are just like us

• Scott Atran knows a thing or two about fundamentalists, and as far as he's concerned, they are nice people. "I certainly find very little hatred; they act out of love," he says. "These people are very compassionate." Atran, who studies group dynamics at the University of Michigan, is talking about suicide bombers, extremists by anyone's standards and not representative of fundamentalist ideology in general (New Scientist, 23 July, page 18). But surprisingly, much of what Atran has discovered about suicide bombers helps to explain the psychology of all fundamentalist movements.

• The conclusion they came to was that there is no real difference between fundamentalists and everybody else. "The fundamentalist mentality is part of human nature," writes Stuart Sim, a cultural theorist at the University of Sunderland in the UK. "All of us are capable of exhibiting this kind of behaviour."

• The psychology of fundamentalism is, literally, more than the sum of its parts; taken individually, fundamentalists are rather unremarkable. "The notion that you might be able to find something in a fundamentalist's brain scan is a non-starter," says John Brooke, a professor of science and religion at the University of Oxford.

• In general, fundamentalists seem to be well-balanced people. They score highly on subjective measures of marital happiness, optimism and self-control, and have a low incidence of depression and anxiety.

• An obvious explanation for this is that fundamentalist belief is fulfilling some hard-wired psychological need for certainty and security in a world where such comforts are hard to come by.

All forms of politically motivated activism are 'fundamentalist' in nature, which is why feminists and gay activists have gone way beyond the goal of 'equality', to seek to dominate and control anyone who is not like them or does not approve of them. It is why those who oppose 'racism', find no objection to white people being abused by black people; why those who preach 'human rights', and would imprison or execute a 'man' for killing an unborn child, support the mother's right to kill her unborn child;  why environmentalists who want to protect 'mother nature', view mankind as 'outside' the evolutionary model, and worthy of annihilation. Each group contains nice, decent, compassionate, sane, normal people, who, for the sake of 'the cause', have no compunction in destroying the 'enemy'. Consider these next two references within the context of the forgoing statements:

• We must hate - hatred is the basis of Communism. Children must be taught to hate their parents if they are not Communists. V. I. Lenin - speech to the Commissars of Education, Moscow, 1923. Why Cicero - Thomas Brewton

• Because female genital mutilation is locked into religious zeal as well as male dominance it is most difficult to get the populace to stop the custom. Yet there are those determined to halt it. Female Genital Mutilation Criminal? - J.Grant Swank Jr. (Religious Zeal + Dominance + Traditional Customs = Difficulty changing.)

To have ideals is wonderful, but to follow an ideology - to worship an ideology - to push everything aside for the ideology - is the same as fundamentalist religion. Activism is supposed to be an end to a goal, but in reality, many activists have only one goal - to be activists. The adrenalin rush of a battle is strong, and the euphoria at winning is intoxicating, but then what? Do we pack up and go home? Of course - many do! But for some, the euphoria is replaced with a depressing emptiness, the cure for which, is to fight another battle. And so the part time warrior becomes a full time warrior, picking fights to justify another battle. That's how I see 'political activism', and that is what emotional abuse is all about. Looking for battlegrounds upon which to find victory!

Section 2.a. (iv)

The brainwasher works to instil new behaviour and attitudes in the victim.

There is a huge difference between 'educating' people in manners, customs, and social mores and norms, and 'brainwashing' people so as to control their behaviour. In today's society, we are lucky if we - the dissenters of certain types of activism - can escape from the power of brainwashing, suffering only 'emotional abuse'. Activist groups of all kinds consider, - are turning to, - or approve of violence in achieving their ideological goals, and this is to be expected if one approaches 'fundamentalist activism' in the same way one considers 'religious fundamentalism'. The word 'Religious' is just an adjective to qualify the noun 'Fundamentalism'.

Fundamentalism as described above by Stein, fulfils "some hard-wired psychological need for certainty and security" in the mind of the follower. Any fundamentalist, is therefore likely to abuse you, physically and/or emotionally. Not only is this true in the fields of religion and political activism, but as the report from Apologetics Press shows, even within the scientific arena, outright fraud and deception is practiced by those with a need to 'prove that they are right'. Frauds in Science - by Wayne Jackson

• Dogmatic, sweeping statements that had been made with an air of absolute confidence ultimately required public retraction.

• Perhaps as embarrassing as the fraudulent nature of the Piltdown affair, however, was the fact that a number of the world's leading evolutionary experts were fooled by the hoax for over 40 years.

Section 2.a. (v)

The brainwasher creates in the victim a sense of powerlessness, fear and dependency.

I doubt that any western man alive today, and living in a western society, would deny that he lives in fear of offending a feminist; of being branded 'racist' for some slip of the tongue; or of being accused of being homophobic. I would go further and say that any sensible heterosexual male goes out of his way to make sure he does not end up on the wrong side of some 'minority groups' firing line.

Such is the fear that a brainwashed 'democratic and free western person has', that he probably doesn't even realise that he is fearful, and certainly can't see the contradiction between his belief in the right to free speech, and his refusal to say what he really thinks or feels. Whilst those who step beyond the bounds of what is acceptable to the abusers are usually only 'emotionally abused', there are sufficient examples in the daily press in any western society, of what can happen to those who 'don't toe the line'.

An 'emotional abuser', no matter the gender, the ideology, the politics, or the cause, is no different to a 'religious fundamentalists' who has no qualms in killing an abortionist. Emotional Abusers are no different to the other 6 billion people in the world, with the exception that their own emotional security 'depends' on strict and comforting compliance of their victim's behaviour.

• Ill-treatment is an absurd effort to maintain and enhance the abuser's hegemony - social, cultural, legal, and, above all, psychological. Abusers exploit, lie, insult, demean, ignore (the "silent treatment"), manipulate, and control. There are a million ways to abuse, directly and  by proxy. To expect too much, to denigrate, to ignore - are all modes of abuse. There is physical abuse, verbal abuse, psychological abuse, sexual abuse. The list is long. Most abusers abuse surreptitiously. They are  "stealth abusers". Verbal/Emotional Abuse - Sam Vaknin

Section 2.a. (vi)

In other words - What he/she/they says, goes.

This is the penultimate purpose of any brainwashing and all emotional abuse. Whether the perpetrator is religious, secular, male, female, old, young, married, single, rich, poor, western, eastern, black, white, political or non political, the ultimate aim is always the same: "Do as I command, or I will (figuratively or literally) kill you".

Overall though, the most important and shared element of all those abusers pushing their particular brand of fundamentalism or other type of brainwashing, and those using political and emotional power to abuse, ( eg: Political Correctness Thought Police) is that their actions originate within a 'psyche' that is itself, emotionally unhealthy.

What is important to remember is that: Abusers need their victims, far more than the victims need their abusers. Until victims realise this, they have no hope of any power to escape their terror. To Quote Andrew Vachss (You Carry the Cure in Your Own Heart)

• The primary weapons of emotional abusers is the deliberate infliction of guilt. They use guilt the same way a loan shark uses money: They don't want the "debt" paid off, because they live quite happily on the "interest".

Section 3:   Can We Escape from an Abuser's Emotional Abuse

Before going on to discuss the abuse of Children and Men by women, I want to state that there are ways to escape from Emotional Abuse, but escape is impossible, if one does not know that they are being abused. Unfortunately, as I said at the beginning of this article, we live in an age of slogans and catch phrases, so when it comes to what I will call here - 'Pure Emotional Abuse', one should not fall into the trap of accusing a person of being an Emotional Abuser, simply for being a 'normal human being'; having an off day and acting out of character.

Emotional Abuse for Emotional Abusers is a way of living and coping - it is their method of relating to those around them. It is very much a part of their character - to belittle, wound, manipulate, control, and otherwise mistreat by withholding love, or putting conditions on love or acceptance.

3.a. : Is it possible to identify an Emotional Abuser?

From You Carry the Cure in Your Own Heart

Emotional abuse is the systematic diminishment of another. It may be intentional or subconscious (or both), but it is always a course of conduct, not a single event. It is designed to reduce a child's self-concept to the point where the victim considers himself unworthy - unworthy of respect, unworthy of friendship, unworthy of the natural birthright of all children: love and protection.

In matrimonial battles, for example, the children all too often become the battlefield. I remember a young boy...His mother and father were locked in a bitter divorce battle, and each was demanding total loyalty and commitment from the child.

But emotional abuse is unique because it is designed to make the victim feel guilty. Emotional abuse is repetitive and eventually cumulative behavior - very easy to imitate - and some victims later perpetuate the cycle with their own children. Although most victims courageously reject that response, their lives often are marked by a deep, pervasive sadness, a severely damaged self-concept and an inability to truly engage and bond with others.

For those with an idealized notion of "family," the task of refusing to accept the blame for their own victimization is even more difficult. For such searchers, the key to freedom is always truth - the real truth, not the distorted, self-serving version served by the abuser.

3.b. : How Can I Know if someone is an Emotional Abuser?

The Abuser The Broken Spirits Network

• An abuser is not always a man

• An abuser is not always the product of an abusive childhood.

• You can not always spot an abuser "from a mile away". In fact, many former victims can tell you that they would have never suspected their abuser until it was already too late.

• An abuser is not restricted to inflicting only physical pain. Most times, the psychological damage far exceeds the physical damage.

Common Traits

• If they [the abusers] do admit their actions, it is always the fault of the victim.
  
  Abusive men and women tend to feel inadequate and depressed.
  
  An abuser feels jealous and over-possessive of their victim.... [and] get insanely jealous at the slightest hint of someone else getting any of their victims attention, and become very hostile at the thought of losing their "property".
  
  An abuser expects complete attention and support from their [victim].
  
  Abusers expect and demand complete control and submittance on the part of their victim.
  
  Abusers tend to lean towards drugs and/or alcohol as an "escape".
  
  Abusers know how and when to make their partner feel guilty. By causing guilt, the victim is more likely to stay and deal with the abuse, rather then feel "responsible" for any harm their abuser might inflict on themselves.
  
  Suicide is frequently used as a method of manipulation.
  
  Sometimes an abuser will go as far as to cut or cause other forms of harm to themselves in order to keep their victim from leaving.

3.c. : How do We Identify an Abuser's Victim.

The Victim The Broken Spirits Network

• Often, the survivor will make excuses for their abusers behavior.
  
  Victim feel themselves entirely without control. This fear of helplessness may extend into other aspects of their lives, for varying amounts of time.
  
  Fear is the biggest tool used by an abuser to receive and maintain control.
  
  Anger is a common feeling that develops after an attack. Anger is a healthy and common reaction for a survivor, as long as the anger is not aimed at themselves. Anger can be a helpful tool for regaining the strength and the courage needed to get back control of their life.
  
  Some common physical symptoms are: muscle tension, headaches, stomach pains, nausea, appetite loss, sleep disturbances, fatigue, and nervousness.
  
  Feelings most frequently experienced: Fear, Guilt, Anger, Shame, Betrayal, Lack of trust In their own ability to make judgments, Powerlessness and depression, Feeling helpless

You Carry the Cure in Your Own Heart

If you are a victim of emotional abuse, there can be no self-help until you learn to self-reference. That means developing your own standards, deciding for yourself what "goodness" really is. Adopting the abuser's calculated labels - "You're crazy. You're ungrateful. It didn't happen the way you say" - only continues the cycle.

Adult survivors of emotional child abuse have only two life-choices: learn to self-reference or remain a victim. When your self-concept has been shredded, when you have been deeply injured and made to feel the injury was all your fault, when you look for approval to those who can not or will not provide it - you play the role assigned to you by your abusers.

It's time to stop playing that role, time to write your own script. Victims of emotional abuse carry the cure in their own hearts and souls. Salvation means learning self-respect, earning the respect of others and making that respect the absolutely irreducible minimum requirement for all intimate relationships. For the emotionally abused child, healing does come down to "forgiveness" - forgiveness of yourself

Victim survivor rights

• You have the right to decide what happens in your life at any time

• You have the right to decide what you want to do about the abuse. People can give you options, but the decision is entirely yours

• You have the right not to be a "victim" for the rest of your life. You were a victim, but now you are a survivor. (The Victim  - The Broken Spirits Network)

Emotional abuse is about the need for one person or a group of persons to control the mind, emotions and actions of their victims. Abusers find many ways to justify their abuse, and seldom do their victims realise that they are being manipulated.  First we must realise that we are being manipulated and brainwashed, and then we need to make a decision as to what to do about it.  Abuse by politically motivated activists can only be defeated politically, but when it comes to personal relationship abuse, the only way to nullify or escape from abuse, first requires that you seek out professional counselling.

In  Part 3 of this article, we will take a look at how 'Lies and Shame' are used to abuse people, and then take a look at the issue of Women who abuse their Children.

Full Length Version - Part 'B' - 9,000 words:   Emotional Abuse & Female Emotional Abusers

R.P.BenDedek

Email: rpbendedek@hotmail.com

• The Other Side of Violence: Women Abusing Children

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R.P.BenDedek is the pseudonym of the Author of 'The King's Calendar: The Secret of Qumran' (http://www.kingscalendar.com/), and is a guest columnist at Magic City Morning Star News. An Australian, he currently teaches Conversational English in China. 

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"The King's Calendar" is a chronological study of the historical books of the Bible (Kings and Chronicles), Josephus, Seder Olam Rabbah, and the (Essene) Damascus Document of The Dead Sea Scrolls.