The following is an unsolicited email essay, minus some of the spelling mistakes and grammatical errors, sent to me by one of my students, because he felt guilty that he had not joined in on the class discussion on Marriage.

R.P.BenDedek.

This passage consists of my own thoughts with regard to difficulties in marriage. And I will appreciate it very much if you can make some corrections to it when neccesary and share your views.

Your regards Mou Jun.

Whenever we talk of marriage, many people naturally associate it with weddings, churches, chocolate, admiration and best wishes from friends and family. As far as they are concerned, as long as the couple get together, marriage will work as the symbol of happiness.

I don't deny that marriage brings us some comfort, but I would also point out that there are many difficulties associated with marriage.

First of all, marriage means less freedom. Once you get married, many factors work together to make your life abnormal, and this is one of the most terrible things that can happen to you. For instance, you will not be able to hang out with your friends as freely as you had done before marriage.

Will you still feel free when your wife constantly asks you questions about this and that, especially when you get home from work feeling very tired?

What's worse, is that sometimes marriage means that you will be obliged to give up your personal dreams. This may cause a sense of heavy loss, especially for those who have great ambitions.

Sometimes, marriage is not about real love or happiness. According to a survey released recently, an increasing number of females are hunting for husbands who can make it easier for them to get ideal jobs and equal payment. Can a person really feel happy when his or her marriage is built on benefits rather than real love?

Being married means that you must assume more obligations and responsibilities. A man had better make sure that he is capable of shouldering such responsibilities, before proposing marriage. Many things stem from such responsibilities, and add to one's burden or perhaps brings much misery. For example, marriage often requires a lot of struggle to make ends meet. A man should know if he will be comfortable paying large sums of money for his child's education, especially when he is out of work.

Some or all of these points might account for the fact that there are more and more single males and females today. You may not agree with my thoughts, (perspectives), but these problems are obvious in society.

R.P.Bendedek

Email: rpbendedek@hotmail.com

Note: During a change of Servers some photographs were lost. This file was amended September 2007 with some substitutions.

R.P.BenDedek (pseudonym) is the author of 'The King's Calendar: The Secret of Qumran' at

Photographic Stories from China can be found at:  http://www.kingscalendar.com/cgi-bin/index.cgi?action=viewnews&id=128

"The King's Calendar" is a chronological study of the historical books of the Bible (Kings and Chronicles), Josephus, Seder Olam Rabbah, and the (Essene) Damascus Document of The Dead Sea Scrolls.