Appropriate Boundaries With Our Children
Most parents recognize the importance of having clear boundaries with their children. While they can have fun with them and relate well, they must remain the parent, and not a friend. Slipping into a friend role may feel good for the parent, but it changes the dynamic. Children can have lots of friends, but only one or two parents. We need to preserve that relationship for their sakes.
Aug 6, 2009 - 7:50:47 PM
We Are Born To Be Creative
From the time a child can pick things up he experiments with different ways to put things together. He is constantly exploring: manipulating the things in his environment in myriad ways. There are no rules to follow or expectations to live up to.
Jul 30, 2009 - 7:45:19 PM
Breaking the Worry Habit
There are certainly times when worry is appropriate and even helpful. If we step onto a frozen pond, worry that the ice will not hold causes us to retreat and perhaps saves our life. Worry about a child near a campfire causes us to diligently keep watch on the child, perhaps preventing disaster. Worry about photo radar causes most drivers to slow down. These kinds of worries are about concrete and imminent situations.
Jul 26, 2009 - 11:46:00 PM
Being Who You Really Are
I have worked with many clients who realize somewhere in mid-life that they are afraid to express their true feelings or opinions because they fear the reactions of others. They worry that a spouse may get angry, a family member may withdraw, a friend may feel differently about them, or that colleagues may judge them.
Jul 21, 2009 - 1:18:46 PM
Fighting vs Problem Solving
No couples really like to be in conflict, but so often they get stuck in the battle and cannot get out. Over the years they collect resentments, holding on to them and firing them at the other when the conflict rages.
Jul 13, 2009 - 10:48:19 AM
When Driving Makes You Angry
Do you find yourself getting angry with other drivers? Have you been known to yell, curse at them or use hand gestures to make your point?
Jul 7, 2009 - 3:34:11 PM
Watch What You Say
Have you ever noticed that really nice people never have a bad word to say about anyone. No doubt they have the same frustrations with family, neighbors and co-workers as everyone else, but they have decided to approach life differently.
Jun 25, 2009 - 10:39:40 AM
Growing Through Change
It seems so much of our struggles in life exist around change. Our sweet little children become independence-seeking, mind-of-their-own, adolescents. A stay at home mom who lived a very predictable life suddenly wants to explore yoga, meditation, spirituality, or join a running group. There is a new manager at work who wants to change the way things have always been done.
Jun 18, 2009 - 11:26:07 AM
People You Just Can't Stand
Did you ever notice how much time people can spend talking about people they do not like? They will recount every detail of what the person has said or done. They will repeat things that others have said about that person. They will go over the same stories, comments or opinions time and time again.
Jun 11, 2009 - 12:06:26 PM
Getting or Giving the Silent Treatment
Do you, or does someone you know use the silent treatment when angry or upset? This is a passive-aggressive way to try to punish or manipulate the other person. Whether in a family, a relationship or in the social or work group, it can be very harmful.
Jun 4, 2009 - 1:32:57 PM
Bullying Can Happen Anywhere
Bullying does not happen only with children on the playground. Siblings may bully each other. Parents may bully their children; children may bully their parents. Husbands and wives may bully each other, and teens may be bullied by their girlfriend/boyfriend. Sadly, teachers sometimes bully, as do coaches. Bullying also happens in the workplace.
May 28, 2009 - 12:04:11 PM
Stop That Negative Self-Talk
Do you have an inner critic that works overtime? Sometimes negative self-talk gets way out of control. It is like negative brainwashing that just does not quit. Sometimes it has been going on so long that the individual believes that what the critic says is true.
May 21, 2009 - 11:19:16 AM
When You Don't Want To Be Hurt Anymore
When we have been hurt by friends or loved ones it is easy to become cautious of others and even reluctant to trust. A person may decide they do not want to become involved in a relationship again because "all men/women are the same and you can't trust any of them."
May 14, 2009 - 10:24:04 AM
Responding to Criticism
How to you react when someone criticizes you? Our first instinct may be to defend ourselves, or else to retaliate. This indicates that we have been offended by the criticism. If this is true, we have given the other the power to hurt us.
May 7, 2009 - 10:28:28 AM
Growing Up Whole
It certainly can be a challenge dealing with the demands and frustrations of being a parent, while at the same time being conscious of the emotional wellbeing of our children.
May 1, 2009 - 10:22:48 AM
When Parenting Styles Differ
Before even getting married couples should talk about their beliefs and attitudes to parenting. This is as important a criterion for compatibility as interests or long-term goals.
Apr 23, 2009 - 9:31:48 AM
Life is Just a Chance to Grow a Soul
Humans have always pondered the purpose and meaning of life. Ultimately, I suppose, we must make our own meaning.
Apr 17, 2009 - 8:25:26 AM
Living the Life We Have
It is true that we often hear ourselves or others lament the passing of what used to be. We wish we were younger, or at least looked or felt younger. We wish our investments were worth what they used to be. It was so much easier when the kids were small and they just did what we told them.
Apr 3, 2009 - 11:14:51 AM
Navigating Through Tough Times
These are tough economic times, and we are all waiting for things to begin to turn around. That could take a while yet. Many are being challenged in ways they never have been before.
Mar 26, 2009 - 3:07:31 PM
Helping Men to Express Feelings
Women often complain that men are out of touch with their feelings, or cannot understand how women feel. There is no doubt that there are some differences in the way men and women experience emotions, but there does not have to be such a great divide.
Mar 23, 2009 - 10:30:40 AM
When Teens Hurt Themselves
Parents feel distressed and often helpless when they discover their teen has been practicing self-mutilation. Both males and females can be affected, but we see it more often in girls.
Mar 5, 2009 - 1:11:56 PM
Relieving Stress Through Non-Attachment
Think of how often we experience stress or anxiety about something that may happen. We worry that we will not get the promotion or the new job. We worry that the weather may turn bad for our weekend at the lake, or the roads may be icy when we go to work in the morning. We stress over whether the new relationship will work out, or if we will get everything done on our "to do" list.
Feb 26, 2009 - 12:26:18 PM
Deep Listening Shows You Care
Communication is so much more than the words being said. True communication is a very complex process, and it is a wonder sometimes that we even understand one another at all.
Feb 12, 2009 - 11:13:31 AM
Parents as Blueprints for Children
Children learn most from what they see. Too often parents yell at them for being too noisy, or slap them for hitting a sibling. They may criticize a child and list his or her faults, and then chastise the child for criticizing a sibling.
Feb 5, 2009 - 10:59:25 AM
Emotional Affairs Threaten Marriage
Emotional affairs can be very threatening to a marriage. An emotional affair is when two people form a strong bond and begin to share more and more of themselves with the other. What differentiates an emotional affair from a friendship?
Jan 29, 2009 - 10:26:26 AM
Having the Courage to Try New Things
Does fear stop you from trying new things? Do you hesitate to apply for a new job, take a course, or meet new people because you feel insecure about how you will do? This is a fear of the unknown, because if we had a guarantee that things would turn out well, we likely would be more willing to go ahead with a new experience.
Jan 22, 2009 - 9:54:28 AM
Psychology for Living
It is not only adults who suffer from anxiety. It is quite common in children, although it manifests in different ways and may occur at different stages. A newborn baby may not really notice who is holding him, or care, so long as he is comfortable. A few months later, the baby may begin "making strange." This is an early form of anxiety about the unknown.
Jan 8, 2009 - 1:49:36 PM
When You Don't Like the In-Laws
What do you do if you do not like your in-laws? Do you constantly remind your spouse of all the deficiencies of his family members, and how much you despise them? Do you frequently tell your friends and family members how stupid these people are and the latest episode in which they offended you? Do you try to avoid contact with them, and put up resistance when your spouse wants to spend time with them? Do you try to limit the time your spouse spends with his or her own family, even it you do not have to be there?
Jan 1, 2009 - 7:49:38 PM
Aging Parents: Be Prepared
If you have aging parents sooner or later you are likely going to have to take some responsibility for them. It can be hard to think about this: denial can set in or we decide we will deal with it when the time comes.
Dec 16, 2008 - 10:47:38 AM
Avoiding A Nasty Divorce
Divorce is never easy, but does it have to be nasty? It can become that way when, after years of functioning more or less on the same team, a couple finds themselves in an adversarial position. Each can feel threatened, believing the other wants to take away more than his/her share.
Dec 4, 2008 - 10:09:37 AM
When a Partner Says It's Over
The ending of a relationship can be like a death, particularly if you did not want it to end, and most particularly, if you did not see it coming. When someone dear to us dies, there are stages in the grieving process that most experience. There may be shock, disbelief, denial, anger, sadness and many other emotions, and one may cycle through all of them many times before finally reaching a place of acceptance.
Nov 24, 2008 - 7:29:40 PM
Career Choices: Supporting Our Children
A parent's job certainly is to help their child prepare for the future. It can be a daunting task for some to figure out what they want as a career. How can you really know at sixteen what you will be happy doing at thirty-five? No wonder some students are overwhelmed when it comes time to decide what they will do after graduation. It is even more difficult when you have friends who have been certain about their career path since age twelve, and are ready to go.
Nov 13, 2008 - 9:11:17 AM
Behaviour Problems in Children: Is it ADD/ADHD?
Parents sometimes wonder if their child is naturally exuberant, and non-compliant, or if these are symptoms of ADD (Attention Deficit Disorder) or ADHD (Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder).
Nov 7, 2008 - 12:11:12 AM
Chronic Depression Affects Many
When we speak of depression, many picture an individual who is so sad and unmotivated that it is an effort to get out of bed or tend to personal care. Indeed this does characterize some who are severely depressed and need medical care.
Oct 30, 2008 - 11:05:51 AM
We all know how to talk, but vary in our ability to communicate. In school we learn to read and write: we get a grounding in the mechanics. We also learn how to communicate ideas; how to use those mechanics to convey our thoughts.
Oct 23, 2008 - 9:44:19 AM
Responding to Child's Performance
Many parents provide their children with opportunities to participate in sports, or to take various kinds of lessons including art, music and dance. This is a good thing. Children can develop their skills and abilities as well as gaining poise, confidence and even leadership skills.
Oct 20, 2008 - 12:41:38 PM
Stop Verbal Abuse in Your Home
Imagine if your spouse, colleague or another family member told you that you were stupid, ugly, fat, or that you were a loser. You would likely be outraged, and consider this verbal abuse. You would also most likely be deeply hurt. No doubt you would consider this kind of communication totally unacceptable. If it continued you would avoid contact with the abuser, and if it were a spouse, you might eventually leave the marriage. As an adult, you could do something to protect yourself.
Oct 9, 2008 - 11:47:34 AM
Being True to Yourself
I have worked with many clients who experience frustration and even resentment upon realizing they have been pleasers all their lives. It may have begun when, as children, they realized that life was more pleasant when you did what others wanted you to do.
Oct 2, 2008 - 12:44:08 PM
Men and Women Perceive Relationships Differently
I often hear the concern from women that they seem to be the ones who work to keep their relationship going. They feel that the man just carries on day to day, without thinking too much about what is happening in the relationship. They wish that their partners were more proactive, rather than sitting back and only discussing the relationship when the woman brings up a concern. Even then, his response is often defensive, so that she feels like the "bad guy" even though she is trying to do something that she hopes would benefit both of them.
Sep 26, 2008 - 9:52:41 PM
Understanding Chronic Pain
Those who suffer from chronic pain have a most difficult and challenging path. Generally they have had the pain for a long time, and often have tried everything to get relief. Sometimes absolutely nothing helps.
Sep 18, 2008 - 9:57:39 AM