"The walls we build around us to keep sadness out also keep out the joy." -- Jim Rohn

When we have been hurt by friends or loved ones it is easy to become cautious of others and even reluctant to trust. A person may decide they do not want to become involved in a relationship again because "all men/women are the same and you can't trust any of them."

One may also decide not to let others get close because friends have betrayed them in the past. They do not open up to others or even allow a friendship to form.

This may protect one from being hurt by others, but this approach may in itself be hurtful to the individual. Basically he or she as decided not to feel. If you do not feel, you cannot get hurt.

Of course if you do not allow yourself to feel, then you cannot feel good feelings either. You deprive yourself of the possibility of a positive relationship with a friend or partner because of a previous bad experience. This is a little like having a bad meal at a restaurant and deciding never to go to a restaurant again.

To live life fully we have to be willing to be hurt. You cannot play soccer or football and think you will never get hurt. You protect yourself the best you can and then get out there and enjoy the game. If you get hurt, you take care of yourself and when you are healed you play again.

The same is true with friendships and love. We cannot guarantee there will never be pain. If we are not willing to take the risk then we miss out on the joy, the fun, the companionship and yes, even the learning. Life was never meant to be lived from the sidelines. If you have been holding back, it might be time to put yourself back in the game.'''

Gwen Randall-Young is an author and award-winning Psychotherapist. For permission to reprint this article, or to obtain books or cds, visit www.gwen.ca.