"So many of us grown-ups suffer because we are trying to live the life we once had or the life we wish for." -- Daniel Gottlieb

It is true that we often hear ourselves or others lament the passing of what used to be. We wish we were younger, or at least looked or felt younger. We wish our investments were worth what they used to be. It was so much easier when the kids were small and they just did what we told them.

We may wish we still had that job, partner or the one who passed away. We may have liked it better where we used to live, or wish we lived somewhere else. Perhaps we want more money, or not to have to work so hard.

These yearnings for something other that what we have can create suffering because often, for one reason or another, we cannot change our circumstances.

Focusing on and wishing for what is not there, blinds us to all that is there. Perhaps twenty years from now we will feel a longing for the way it is right now. I once had a poster on my office wall that said, "It's not how much we have, but how much we enjoy that creates happiness." There is a lot of wisdom in those words.

Rather than focusing on what is not there, we need to learn to savor and appreciate what we do have. We can take pleasure in a sunny day or the sound of birds singing. We can have gratitude for the fact that we are even able to see and hear.

Change negative thinking by stopping it as soon as you are aware of it, and replace the negative thoughts with positive ones. Taking our attention away from what was or what we wish would be, and bringing it right into the present can have a major impact on our happiness. As Daniel Gottlieb says, "Life is much sweeter when we live the live we have."

Gwen Randall-Young is an author and award-winning Psychotherapist. For permission to reprint this article, or to obtain books or cds, visit www.gwen.ca.