"Love is what you've been through with somebody." -- James Thurber

Can a marriage be saved when there has been infidelity? It depends. It depends on so many things. I have seen marriages be destroyed when there has been betrayal, and I have seen others grow stronger.

If the one betrayed feels he/she will never be able to trust the person again, there is little hope. The infidelity is like a wound that never heals.

It makes a difference if the one who cheated is truly remorseful. If, at a heart level there is the sense of having made a terrible mistake, and an absolute knowing it will never happen again, the relationship may have a chance.

In cases where the marriages survived and even thrived, it was because the one betrayed loved the other too much to walk away, in spite of the intense pain. These couples were motivated to save their marriage, and to do the work in therapy to heal and move on.

One challenging aspect of recovery was that the betrayer expressed remorse and did not want to keep talking about the betrayal. The one betrayed needed to keep bringing it up with new questions and a need for details.

Difficult as it is for both parties, this is a necessary stage in the healing process. While the betrayed had no control over the infidelity, he/she feels a need to at least have some control over the information surrounding it.

Rebuilding a marriage is a long and painful process. With good professional help and commitment on the part of the couple, the marriage can be made stronger than it ever was before.

Gwen Randall-Young is an author and award-winning Psychotherapist. For permission to reprint this article, or to obtain books or cds, visit www.gwen.ca.