"Love and pain become one in the same in the eyes of a wounded child." -- Pat Benatar

It certainly can be a challenge dealing with the demands and frustrations of being a parent, while at the same time being conscious of the emotional wellbeing of our children.

So many adults have difficulties around self-esteem, confidence, belief in themselves, expressing feelings and being able to stand up for what they believe in.
Regardless of whether they are twenty-five or sixty-five, they remember clearly all the negative messages they received from their parents. The memories are as strong as if it just happened yesterday.

I think that parenting is an art. We must find a balance between guidance and discipline on the one hand, and nurturing and empowering our children. We have to remember that they are growing and learning, and will not get things right the first time, or even the twentieth!

The challenge is not so much to get them to conform, as it is to adapt ourselves to their particular stage and personality. Our job is to coach them with love, understanding and acceptance. We may not accept particular behaviors, but that does not mean we should reject the child.

It is easy when we are stressed or frustrated to say or do things to a child without thinking of the consequences for them. We may have an outburst and later apologize to the child, but unfortunately the angry words are engraved on their consciousness.

Having said this, I do not want to make parents feel guilty for being human!
Most of us were not raised by highly conscious parents, and this is an evolving process. We are learning too. We can do it better than our parents did, and our children can then do it better than we do.

I have a new video called "Growing Up Whole". It is only about three minutes, and conveys so much of what children need from us. It will touch your heart. Just go to YouTube and search "Gwen Randall-Young." You can also type the following into your browser: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cdNJeRrl2A4 or click here.

There is so much we can do to raise the next generation to be so much more emotionally healthy than ever before. That is our challenge, our mission, and our highest calling.

Gwen Randall-Young is an author and award-winning Psychotherapist. For permission to reprint this article, or to obtain books or cds, visit www.gwen.ca.