Laura on Life
Laura on Life
Gypsy Cleaning Fairies
You know what my house needs? It needs a team of gypsy cleaning fairies. Not just your ordinary run-of-the-mill gypsy cleaning fairies, but the sort that can see invisible stuff.
Jun 24, 2009 - 1:43:39 PM
Laura on Life
A Ticking Time Bomb
My Mom was recently diagnosed with breast cancer. It was a tiny lump and it hadn't had a chance to spread, so she's fine now. People say she was lucky, but I say she was smart.
Jun 20, 2009 - 12:37:05 PM
Laura on Life
The Pit Stop
My seven-year old finally earned enough money to buy himself a toy he's been eyeing at Wal-Mart. It's a race car that comes with all the accessories needed for a Pit Stop. There were extra tires, an oil can, a fuel pump, and tools for washing windows and checking the engine.
Jun 16, 2009 - 12:09:07 PM
Laura on Life
Defying The Odds
Life is so much simpler when you are a child. Anything is possible. Well, to be honest, anything is still possible, but when you are an adult, if it's not probable, we don't even try. As adults, we measure the odds.
Jun 12, 2009 - 1:30:53 PM
Laura on Life
Frogs, Jell-o and Character
There are many times I've considered homeschooling my kids. The public school systems are such a mess right now and are run counter-intuitively. They spend less money and time on those children who really want to learn and more on those who couldn't care less.
Jun 9, 2009 - 2:03:01 PM
Laura on Life
Dad's Day
This Father's Day, like every other Father's Day, my thoughts go careening back to the time I was a mouthy teenager. My father was often upset with me for some smart-aleck comment I would make. I guess, even then, I was in training to be a humor columnist, but with remarkable hindsight, I can see now that practicing my sassiness on my Dad wasn't the smartest thing I could've done.
Jun 5, 2009 - 8:21:50 AM
Laura on Life
What Else Is Down There?
A clean house was never one of my priorities. Maybe a far-off dream like granite countertops and a professionally landscaped yard, but not a priority.
Jun 2, 2009 - 12:19:55 PM
Laura on Life
The Stages of Beading
My daughter and I share a love of beads and beading. However, we shop for beads a little differently. I usually decide what I want to make and then go into a craft store and buy the right beads for my project. When I'm finished with my project, I throw the leftover beads into a bin.
May 29, 2009 - 2:58:42 PM
Laura on Life
A Hot-Rod For Geeks
My son needed a new laptop for college. The one he uses now has developed a case of whatever the opposite of arthritis is. Its joints do not stiffen up (that would be preferable), but the screen seems to take perverse pleasure in loosening up and dropping over at the most inopportune moments.
May 22, 2009 - 12:08:16 PM
Laura on Life
Shopping Cart Protocol
Life is busy, isn't it? Most days I wander around my little piece of the planet, oblivious to certain protocols, political correctness, or unspoken rules. Sometimes, I don't even so much as make eye contact with the people around me.
May 19, 2009 - 12:25:55 PM
Laura on Life
Beam Me Up Scotty!
It's happening. The event of the year. Something every male in my family has been awaiting with barely-controlled excitement. Yes, the new Star Trek movie is out.
May 15, 2009 - 10:25:28 AM
Laura on Life
The Look
When I was a kid, my mom had a secret weapon for getting her children to behave. The weapon was silent. It was invisible. And... it got results.
May 12, 2009 - 12:11:59 PM
Laura on Life
Nobody Looks That Good!
Television commercial are big fat lies. I used to believe them when I was a kid. I really thought that kids would like a certain cereal if "Mikey" liked it. The newest toy was always on my Christmas wish list because, well, the kids on TV looked so happy when they played with it. I believed those commercials… until I became a mom.
May 8, 2009 - 9:07:54 AM
Laura on Life
Why He's My Guy
Twenty-eight years ago, I married my best friend. Throughout all of the changes in our lives, he is still my best friend.
May 5, 2009 - 10:14:01 AM
Laura on Life
Just In Case
My Mom was a German immigrant who came to the United States when she was ten years old. She and her family moved to Buffalo, NY which has a large Polish population. Then she married a man who lived in the city but would've proudly proclaimed himself a redneck at heart.
May 4, 2009 - 1:25:58 PM
Laura on Life
It's All In The Name
I once knew a dentist named Dr. Payne. It wasn't my dentist, of course. Dentists are scary enough without adding the mental anguish that would surely come with gambling on the last name of Payne. What was he thinking? Of all the careers he could have chosen, he chose the one that most defied his name.
Apr 28, 2009 - 10:59:58 AM
Laura on Life
Children Who Go Bump In The Night
I'm a pretty light sleeper. Most people who have children have taught themselves to sleep with one ear open. This is because when you have children, the "fun" doesn't stop when the lights go out.
Apr 22, 2009 - 10:39:36 AM
Laura on Life
Only Morning People Like Prehistoric Animals
A conversation with my twelve-year old at 6:30 in the morning...
Apr 17, 2009 - 9:30:40 AM
Laura on Life
How Do I Get Out of Here?
I walked into a Toys 'R Us the other day and promptly got lost. I stumbled through Seasonal, made a left at Hanna Montana and ended up somewhere between large plastic yard toys and Rock'em Sock'em Robots.
Apr 16, 2009 - 12:22:51 PM
Laura on Life
A Boy's Career Path
With some kids, from the time they reach a certain age, you know exactly what profession they will choose when they grow up.
Apr 7, 2009 - 10:54:43 AM
Laura on Life
The Power of Flowers
Much as I like receiving a random gift of chocolate, it's not around long enough to really appreciate the giver of said chocolate.
Apr 4, 2009 - 9:04:20 PM
Laura on Life
Are We Having Fun Yet?
The North Carolina Zoo has a program called "Snooze at the Zoo." It sounded innocent enough. It sounded fun. And I suppose it would have been, if I was not the one who had to go. My husband thought it would be fun to spend some time with my twelve-year old while chaperoning for the school group that used this program as their field trip.
Apr 1, 2009 - 10:02:43 PM
Laura on Life
Laws of Levity
Like many people, my husband and I have dreams of traveling when we retire. Whether that dream comes true or not is largely dependent on a few factors. One is whether our health is good enough. If it is, then we need to find a place to travel which would not involve an airplane - because I hate flying - or a foreign language, because my husband thinks we'll have trouble ordering food if we don't speak the language.
Mar 27, 2009 - 11:03:31 AM
Laura on Life
Woman's Work
At what point in a male child's development does he realize that he is a "man." Is it as soon as he is wrapped in blue bunting and sent home from the hospital? Is it the day that someone hands him a toy truck as opposed to a baby doll? Does it sink in when he is taught to pee standing up?
Mar 24, 2009 - 10:50:53 AM
Laura on Life
Plan B
Sometimes life changes unexpectedly. Plans that have been laid out for years can suddenly take an abrupt left. Creative people look at these changes and simply say, "Okay... What's Plan B?"
Mar 20, 2009 - 2:01:43 PM
Laura on Life
30 Years of Progress
When I was a kid, just 30-something years ago, I woke up to the sound of a tea kettle whistling so that my dad could get a cup of instant Maxwell House before driving to work. I walked to school, carrying my books until we moved and then I took a bus.
Mar 17, 2009 - 10:55:05 AM
Laura on Life
Buying The Farm
It never fails. I could be doing something really normal, like trying to get the knot out of a sneaker with my teeth when the owner of said sneaker would ask something totally off-topic like: "Mommy, am I going to die?"
Mar 13, 2009 - 11:31:18 AM
Laura on Life
A Check Equals A Cookie
When raising children, you learn to use whatever methods are available to you for getting a child to mind.
Mar 10, 2009 - 10:32:49 AM
Laura on Life
Cow Conservation
My twelve year-old fancies himself a crusader for "green" living to combat global warming. Notice I didn't say "clean" living. His bedroom resembles a toxic waste dump site, but let's recycle those milk jugs, right?
Mar 6, 2009 - 10:35:10 AM
Laura on Life
Flu-Hoo
The name's Floo. Floo Virus. I am a creature of stealth, intelligence, & adaptability. I'm not an idiot. And if I have to stand here with all these other yahoos in this over-congested lung and listen to my bonehead of a boss tell me what my job is, I swear I'm just going to mutate!
Mar 3, 2009 - 12:59:49 PM
Laura on Life
Nutrition Fallacies
I was reading the "Nutrition Facts" on the side of my cereal box this morning. It was very informative about just what, exactly, was going into my body at that moment. I tried to ignore the fact that the calorie count was based on a 1/2 cup serving and I was eating out of a mixing bowl. I mean, they don't actually think I'm going to be able to measure anything at oh-my-gosh- o'clock in the morning, do they? I can't even read the clock yet... or find a decent-sized bowl.
Feb 27, 2009 - 1:19:26 PM
Laura on Life
A Child and His Dixie Cup
When you have children living with you, ordinary household items become extraordinary. Only kids have the huge imagination that can make this transformation possible.
Feb 25, 2009 - 12:23:02 PM
Laura on Life
Lovable Lunatics
It's in the genes, I guess. I'm raising a bunch of lunatics. It's not surprising, though, because I understand their ravings, which means that I must be touched in the head as well. People have often hinted to that fact with looks that are totally inappropriate after I have just uttered what I thought was a relevant comment. Looks of horror, shock, condescension and amusement. But I've always considered the rest of the world nuts.
Feb 17, 2009 - 9:22:32 AM
Laura on Life
An Adventurous Life
I recently was privy to an essay written by a single twenty-something guy who opined that people who have children in their twenties are insane and that there is time enough, after you had some "fun," to have babies when you're too old to do anything else; like in your thirties. He continued on to say that people who have kids are boring and he can't imagine having a conversation with them that did not include children, because that's all they know.
Feb 16, 2009 - 1:56:09 PM
Laura on Life
Thumb-typing
I went into a Dairy Queen yesterday. There were two girls behind the counter and two sitting in a booth. Every one of them had their communication devices out and was thumbing-in messages at the speed of light. They each had a companion with them to actually speak to, but no, they'd rather communicate with someone who was not with them. That would be considered beyond rude before cell phones were manufactured. Of course, I am assuming that they weren't texting each other. That would be ridiculous, wouldn't it?
Feb 9, 2009 - 11:08:42 AM
Laura on Life
Mom's New Laptop
My mother got a new computer. She will now be "needy" for the next six months.
Feb 3, 2009 - 10:58:29 AM
Laura on Life
My Bathrobe, My Friend
Some of my best days were spent wrapped in my bathrobe and curled up on my bed with a good book. Of course, this scenario doesn't happen unless I come down with strep throat and have a fever of 102. But hey, whatever it takes.
Jan 30, 2009 - 8:20:38 PM
Laura on Life
Baby-Making 101
Whose bright idea was it to teach sex education in elementary school? When did that become the public school system's job?
Jan 27, 2009 - 10:33:28 AM
Laura on Life
A Chocolate Addict
My name is Laura and I'm a chocoholic. Yes, I'm addicted to chocolate: Chocolate chip cookies, candy bars, those little chocolate sprinkles you decorate cupcakes with ...oooh, chocolate cupcakes!...with chocolate frosting! Yeah baby! ...Okay, now my column has become an enabler.
Jan 23, 2009 - 9:22:47 PM
Laura on Life
We've Got The Blues
My husband has the blues. Well, no, he's not depressed, unless you define depressed as "wanting something you don't have." If that were my definition, I'd have to say that he's been depressed since the day he was born.
Jan 20, 2009 - 2:36:40 PM
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