Laura on Life
Plumbing Pressure
By Laura Snyder
Jan 6, 2009 - 12:24:10 PM

My plumbing has it in for me. First, my heavy duty, industrial-strength garden hose developed an aneurysm and burst from the pressure while I was washing my car. The suds were still running down the windows, however, and I have no other hose, so I had no choice but to use the defective hose to finish the job. Sure, it was forty degrees in the sun and more water was spurting out the hole in the hose than the end of it, but what was I supposed to do? The suds had to come off.

The trick, I found, is to position the hose in such a way that the water exiting the rip is running over the car and the end is pointed away from my body. You might run the risk of dousing an unsuspecting passerby, but you'll be using the maximum amount of water for the job at hand without getting your clothes wet. Unfortunately, I didn't figure that out until my clothes were wet. Unless I wanted to become the world's first human popsicle, I had to change my clothes.

Then, because of the aneurysm in the hose, I was confident that there was plenty of pressure in my plumbing to get a bracing stream of water from my showerhead. I proceeded to take that shower.

The suds were still in my hair when I realized that my plumbing was not cooperating. I stood under that puny stream waiting for the blast of water that would surely come eventually. After all, my garden hose had just burst under the pressure.

The blast never came. Someone must have flushed a toilet. I stood waiting for as long as it takes for a flushed toilet to refill even though I knew nobody else was home. One of my cleaning elves must have needed to tinkle.

But...nothing. Instead I felt like my plumbing was tinkling on me. There was no way that thin stream of water was going to wash the suds out of my hair and I knew if I tried, my hair would feel like a Brillo pad after it dried. Naked and freezing, I searched my bathroom cabinets for something that would hold water. The only thing I found was a small plastic bucket that we used to collect the leak under the sink. My plumbing hates me.

I got back in the shower and waited for the bucket to fill up; about an hour and a half. Okay! Maybe it was only five minutes but, hey, walk a mile in my ... never mind, I had no shoes on.

I dumped the water on my head. After I rinsed and repeated three times, I dried off and went in search of the bozo who was using all the water.

Every bozo I know was absent. There was the usual drip-drip of my upstairs bathtub. The kitchen sink has a drip too, but only when the faucet lever is in a certain position.

I walked outside. The defective garden hose was turned off. Hmmm. Maybe the village water supply couldn't accommodate both a car washing and a shower on the same day?

I went back into the house where the kitchen sink had randomly started dripping. I lifted the level to reposition it. Did I mention that my sink sprayer sometimes sticks in the “on” position? Well, it does. I had to change my clothes again.

I wonder if the plumbing gods will be in favor of me washing all of the clothes that I'm going through today?

You can reach Laura at lsnyder@lauraonlife.com Or visit her website www.lauraonlife.com for more columns and info about her books.