Fantasy Dateline: America, November 11, 2011 - President Sarah Louise Heath Palin, sworn in one year ago, after the death of President McCain due to a recurrence of skin cancer, has announced her selection of a running mate for the 2012 presidential campaign: bowhunter rocker Ted Nugent.
President Palin is the only president in history to:
- Bring Trig, her Down Syndrome child, to work with her, citing executive privilege and mother's rights and stating, "No one can love him like I can love him."
- Carry her own firearm, eschewing the tradition of Secret Service, saying, "They just delay me on my daily runs and not a one of them can ride a snow machine worth a darn!"
- Vacation in Alaska to cheer husband Todd, the First Gentleman, as he competes in and wins the Iron Dog snow machine race for the sixth time.
- Redecorate the White House with an Alaskan flair, including programmed lighting that mimics the long Alaskan nights and short, long days of summer. "'The Land of the Midnight Sun' is preferable to the late-night carousing of the denizens of D.C.," said she. "Decency has returned to D.C.!" The President addresses energy costs by providing fur robes and bedding to all White House residents and mukluks can be seen around the White House grounds during the winter months.
- Serve state dinners with steamer clams for appetizers, salad made with smoked salmon, Dungeness Crab Bisque, and moose and caribou offered as twin main courses, served with an ice cream scoop each of twice baked Idaho potatoes and wild rice. Dessert is Alaskan blueberry pie. The vegan menu is nutritious, albeit more simple fare: Baked Idaho potatoes with no cheese or butter, wild rice and fresh blueberries (no whipped cream).
Since becoming President, Palin's been compared to the late U.S. Congresswoman, Helen Chenoweth-Hage, a distinction she is humbled by. "Other than the late John Bricker, former Ohio Governor and U.S. Senator, whose Bricker Amendment we finally got passed on September sixth, the anniversary of his birth [in 1893], I could scarce imagine being compared to anyone I'd like better!" President Palin said, describing the tear trickling down her cheek as a "... badge of joy."
President Palin remains confident that running mate Nugent's outdoorsmanly activities and patriotic 'walking the walk,' coupled with the similar length of their marriages -- both would celebrate their 25th wedding anniversaries in the next term of office -- will more than offset their few minor differences. Although fifteen years her senior, Nugent respects Palin as an equal in many fields. Todd Palin and Shemane Nugent are perfect first mates for this team that America cries out for to take the White House and not only finish cleaning it up, but keep it cleaned up.
A plethora of American patriots are considering their options, should they be chosen to help this possible American presidency corruption-free: A St. Louis who's in Nevada, a boy named Sallee, a woman known by many as the heart and soul of the Klamath Basin, a storm-born miracle named Kimmi, a Tarheel named Henson, a Grau from State College, two South Dakota ranchers who'd bring Tubbs of patriotism (but no prairie dogs!) and a Clarkson who's a daughter and grandmother, and more. The late Alaska Women In Timber founder, Helen Finney, would have jumped at the chance to serve in Sarah Heath Palin's Cabinet. A Swedish-born naturalized American in Alaska will likely be standing at the ready, should the call come. Palin's palette of potential appointees is a diverse cross-section of Americans, but all carry the same genetic markers that make them unshakable patriots.
A Vice-presidential duo of Ted and wife Shemane, on equal footing with the Palins on most matters, might make Washington, D.C., a family vacation destination: To see American History at its finest being made -- for the first time in almost 250 years.