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Jack L. Key

More Loony Tunes for Christmas
By Jack L. Key
Dec 23, 2007 - 3:59:03 PM

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Every year they get more hilarious and foolish. More jerky tales from more jerky people who are either so bored or so ignorant they must invent - or reinvent - more idiocies for us to digest with our Christmas dinner and celebration of Christianity's most holy day.

I don't mean to belittle our traditions of Christmas - far from it. But every year at this time the Loonies seem to rise to the occasion and give us some concerns - and even some chuckles. And they are just not limited to the USA, although we do seem to have an endless supply of assorted nuts. And we’re awfully good at idiocy, and not limited to Christmas lunacy, either.

The Nativity Scene is “Legend”

This year our first Loony Tune comes to us from Great Britain, that bastion of the British Lion and the once-mighty British Empire, and the home of the Archbishop of Canterbury, the keeper and leader of the great Anglican Church.

The current Archbishop, Dr. Rowan Williams, says the Nativity scene is a "legend" and probably attributed to greeting cards. Fox News has reported remarks made by the Archbishop on BBC Radio Five and reported in the Times of London that stunned listeners and readers alike hoping to hear the Archbishop give strength and blessings at Christmas.

Instead they heard the following:

"There was scant evidence of the Magi, none that there were three of them, or that they were kings," the Archbishop said. "Matthew's Gospel is the only evidence we have, and that suggests they were astrologers from outside the Roman Empire. There is no evidence of goats, oxen or asses, or of snow falling outside the birthplace in Bethlehem. But it has worked well as legend". And as for the star rising and standing still, the Archbishop pointed out that stars just don't act like that.

He said most Christians shouldn't worry about "the hurdle" of believing in the virgin birth, and that "He was probably not born in December at all." The virgin birth was and is being taught in every Christian theological seminary on the globe, "so I take it as I was taught," he said.

On the positive side, the Archbishop did say he and the church believed the mother's name was Mary, and most likely the father's name was Joseph. He also denied that believing in God was the equivalent of believing in Santa Claus or the tooth fairy. "The Archbishop is sticking to what the Bible actually says", the BBC host mentioned with a stiff upper lip.

I don't want to get in a dispute with the Archbishop that there were no oxen or asses present at Jesus' birth or that it was snowing in Bethlehem. However, I would not dispute the fact that asses were most certainly present in the BBC interviews and conversations with the current Archbishop of Canterbury.

God Save the Queen and her most "legendary" Archbishop.

TIME'S Person of the Year

Our second Loony Tune comes from - yes, you guessed it, that great American tribunal of left-wing blather and other selected boondoggles, TIME magazine, that along with the New Yorker, fancy themselves as the socialist conscience of America.

Everyone knows that getting your mug placed squarely and close-up on TIME's cover

Is the equivalent of heaven for the entire politically correct crowd, Washington insiders, political wannabes, Bush haters, Central American Dictators, Hollywood and TV types, enemies of America, Jihadists and the CIA, to name just a few.

Now please welcome former Kremlin gremlin, former Russian President and now Minister-to-be Vladimir Putin as the current honoree.

This selection fits well with the socialists at TIME, and will provide the magazine the perfect opportunity and platform to promote its democrat-socialist candidate for president in the upcoming elections in this country.

TIME, Inc. is one of those mega-media empires that want readers to think of the namesake as the little home-town magazine, fighting for recognition in the endless maze of so-called American journalism. There was a period long ago that description may have fit the magazine. Not so now. If whatever has American tradition, or American roots, TIME will do its best to destroy it. TIME, like all big boys who have outgrown their britches, took capitalism at its word and made millions. Then, like all turncoats, it cut off the hand that fed it for so long, and turned to socialism, even communistic leanings in some of its writings.

So now, for reasons unknown to the rest of us, and impossible for even the editors and "journalists" at TIME to describe, they choose the man who just sent the first shipment of uranium to Iran, good ol' Vlad, the protector of Islam, and the president's friend.

Or so George Bush thought.

Every year it seems I almost wear my fingers to the bone writing about weird Loony Tunes that our religious affiliations, western traditions and human rights freedoms bring about. This is just two from this year. There are many more out there. Just look and you will find. I've even thought about compiling all my past and present Loonies into a book.

Nah. Who'd believe Noah and the ark had inside plumbing? Or that Times Square was once New Amsterdam's garbage dump? Or that Vlad the lad was once the fad of the KGB’s elimination boys?

Jack L. Key is an author and freelance writer and lives in Tennessee. He is also a US Navy veteran and retired healthcare professional. Contact him at:

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