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J. Grant Swank

Sometimes Life's Problems are Simple
By J. Grant Swank, Jr.
Jan 26, 2011 - 12:15:49 AM

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I could not get the DVD working.

We had signed up with Time-Warner about a month ago. Now I slipped in the DVD. Tried to get it to show on the TV scream. But no show.

I punched the TV's autoprogramming. That did its thing. Tried DVD poke in again and no movie showing up on the TV screen.

Unplugged all wires to this and that for the whole system to reprogram itself.

Tried DVD poke in again and still nothing showing on TV screen.

Turned off everything. Started everything up again. This time DVD movie would appear on TV screen. But it did not.

Went to personal phone book to find Time-Warner phone number-toll free. Dialed it on a Sunday afternoon not expecting a mortal. Got a mortal. Surprise. She was there in the technical menu slot. Nice.

I tried to explain to her that I had slipped in a DVD movie to watch but nothing happened. It simply did not appear on the TV screen as it had every time prior when I slipped it into its slot, then poked the proper buttons on DVD box and so forth and so forth.

She gave forth with such jargon at high speed that I tired out quite quickly. After all, it was a Sunday afternoon. I had not taken my deserved nap. I was tethered with complications prior to making the phone call. And now she was speaking a language from the moon.

She informed me to get my Time-Warner manual, look up this and that relating to something. As if I knew where the Time-Warner manual was. I store these treasures in nooks around the place where I later have no idea where the nooks are. I do believe that the Time-Warner manual was actual. It was a part of our Maine cottage reality scope. But I actually had no idea where to start; however, I could not let on to that lady about that for that would have permitted her all the reason more to inform me to go fly a kite.

I tried poking things again, per her jargon, whispering back to her her litany to me. Nothing worked.

Then I said in a soft, refined voice: "I don't mean to irritate you but I don't understand a word you are saying with your jargon. You are speaking too fast and in a language that I can't get hold of."

She permitted a Grand Canyon pause. I tolerated it. Then I broke the silence with this wisdom: "I have not found what you have related to me any help today and therefore will hang up."

I thought of Butch, my computer guru who seems to know everything about today's high tech whatevers. I would see him mid-week. Could I wait till then or pant my breath dry in not seeing the movie via DVD?

I thought of grandson who is in his early teens who likewise is part of the generation that knows everything by God's knowledgeable pattern placed within these urchins at conception. They seem to come onto the planet with a high tech equation imbedded in their genes. However, he was in Canada and so was no real help to me in Maine.

I prayed. "God, can you help me? I know that there are starving humans on the Earth who need your help far more than I do. And you have those who have just passed through death's door. They are there at the judgment seat of Christ tended to for their eternities. However, can you please show me the solution to this problem, that is, if it is your divine will to be so kind?"

Then it was that I lifted the microwave out from the kitchen wall. You see, it hides the myriad wires that run from TV, Time-Warner network and other items such as a toaster. I followed the wires from the TV and Time-Warner contraption only to discover that one wire was not plugged into the outlet.

I plugged it in.

Then I went back to the DVD player, poked in the proper buttons and - lo and behold! - there was a movie showing up on my TV screen.

How quaint.

J. Grant Swank Jr.

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