J. G. Fabiano
The Legalization of the Magical Mystery Tour
By J. G. Fabiano
May 5, 2008 - 2:09:38 PM

Ok, I admit it; I am working too hard. But, in today's economy with its high gas and food prices how could one not. Sitting in my doctor's office I looked down at my fingers that were devoid of any fingernails because over the last too many years of my life they had become a major food source.

My examination went well with my doctor telling me I was too fat and I should exercise more. I could have figured this out while glancing at myself in the mirror after my morning shower. He told me my blood work was OK but the primary problem he had with me was I looked like crap. After thanking him for the compliment I asked what I could do to change my appearance considering genetics pretty well handled the situation.

He then asked me if I was able to relax. Hesitating a few seconds because I forgot what relax meant I told him this was difficult because I was working three jobs in an attempt to keep up with the inflationary pressures we were all experiencing. He then quietly told me there was a medical way to help me relax. All of a sudden the doctor's office seemed to grow dim as if I was in some back alley trying to make a connection with someone who was destined to live most of his life in jail. I even think my doctor's skin color change and he looked like he started to grow a beard.

He told me about some medication that would help me relax. I have to admit I was a bit surprised because I have always been against legalized medicines because I have little to no trust in the pharmaceutical companies. He explained what he would give me would be very mild and all it would do is take the edge off my nerves. At first I was about to reject his suggestion but then I looked down at my nail-less fingers. Needless to say I took the sample medication home.

My doctor told me to take the small dose for the first week to see how I would handle the medication. After taking the first pill I decided to take a walk around town in order to attempt to work off the winter fat I had placed throughout my body. About twenty minutes into my walk I heard someone tell me what a wonderful day it was. Not hearing anyone walk up to me I turned my head wondering where the voice came from. I saw no one. What I did see was a small lady bug sitting on my shoulder with a big smile on his or her face. I brushed it off and decided to move a bit faster.

Another thing I noticed about walking through my neighborhood is everyone I passed seemed to have a smile on their faces. Granted the day was pleasant and everyone finally had a chance to get out of their homes after a long winter but their smiles seemed so remarkably wide. The more people I passed the whiter their skins became and the redder their lips evolved. Within ten or fifteen minutes I passed people who looked as though they belonged in a circus. In fact, I thought I heard the organs of the big top.

Further in my walk I thought I heard a horse approaching as I passed a golf course. Looking around I did not see anything that resembled a horse. Then I looked down and to my shock I no longer had feet. In there place were a pair of hooves that made it look as though I should be pulling a wagon. At that point I was happy I did not have a mirror or was close to anything that might produce my reflection.

Walking down a particularly pleasant part of my hike I noticed the trees were full of what I thought were birds. Stopping in my tracks I noticed most of the branches were filled with squirrels that were standing on their hind legs applauding, what I thought, was me finally getting off my butt and into the outside. I then focused in on the lower branches of the tree that was now filled with larger birds; or I should say pterodactyls wondering when I would finally fall on my face so they could have their lunch.

Looking away from the trees I focused on what I thought was a familiar route. It now looked like black winding ribbon through what reminded me of candy land with giant lollipops waving in the winds, grasses that looked more like waves in the ocean, and insects the sizes of robins stopping every now and then next to my ear wishing me a pleasant afternoon walk.

Hoping that I was on the last leg of my trek I started to feel like I was in a parade because my pace was uniform as if directed by some giant marching band. John Philip Sousa had nothing on what I started to hear. Peering over my shoulder I observed a giant marching band that could be seen right to the horizon. In fact, I thought some of it traveled up the horizon into the sky. The band followed me right up to my house and even gave me a million person salutes as I closed the door.

I didn't go far into my home. I fell into a chair and watched what was playing on my television. I never turned it on I just watched what I thought was displayed. As I was staring I thought to myself as soon as I get some energy and courage I am going to throw the sample medications away. But, then again....