"Hello. Who is this?" There was a seconds worth of silence on the other side of the phone. "Who the heck is this?" was the response that shocked me more then surprised me. The conversation went back and forth for the next few seconds until I finally realized whom I was talking to. It was my niece Kelly's husband. At first I couldn't understand his response. But then he reminded me that I called him and that it is logical to assume that if one called someone, the caller should know whom he or she is trying to call. It was like a bell went off in my head. I told him that he was right and that my question as to, who was this, was more of a reflex response then a real inquiry.

We laughed, so much so that I forgot why I was originally calling. A similar situation happened a few days ago. The phone rang during dinner and the person on the other side of the phone asked who I was. I reminded her that she called me but then she asked why I had called her. Called her? She then went on to explain that someone had called her and hung up and that she used a technology called *69 to see whom it was. I told her that no one was near the phone over the last couple of hours or so. She responded by hanging up on me.

Both instances brought up the question as to how many times I used the phone and asked whom it was that I was calling and how many times I received a phone call only to be asked who I was. After awhile my head started to hurt. So I shook the thought off and continued on with the errands of the day.

One of which was to help my wife with the grocery shopping. At the meat counter, where I was at my usual confused state, I heard someone asking me from afar, "Is that you?" I was about to turn around and simply say yes when all of a sudden my mind wandered back to the conversation I had with my niece's husband. I finally turned around and asked the person, who turned out to be an old neighbor, who I was supposed to be. He stopped in his tracks, gave me a confused stare, and then finally asked when I became so unfriendly and abusive. I quickly apologized and explained why I said what I said. He laughed and admitted that to ask someone, whom you obviously know who he was, was a bit foolish. After a few more minutes my old friend went his own way with a queer expression on his face. As I continued to be confused by the meat section I remember hoping that no one he knew would ask him a similar question.

I left the meat counter, like I always leave most meat counters, with nothing in my hand and decided to cash out with what my wife had decided we needed. Wouldn't you know it? As I was in line I felt a hand on my shoulder and heard a question from an old colleague. "Where the hell have you been?" Because my mind and mouth were not fully connected that day I turned and stated that I haven't been anywhere. That I've lived here for the past twenty-five years and I have been shopping here for most of that time.  I continued by asking him where the hell he was and why should I care. This time I not only shocked an old friend, I terrified everyone in aisles one through six. I swear to this day that aisle four and five instantaneously put on their closed lights at the same time. To my surprise, my friend started to laugh and quickly admitted that asking where I was, was a foolish question yet he also admitted it felt very natural. He then went on to state that he could have asked what happened to me. We talked for a while and then my wife and I finally left for home. I didn't dare go anywhere else because I didn't want to be confronted by another question.

At home I helped my wife put the groceries away and sat in my favorite chair to enjoy my daily excursion through CNN newscasts. Wouldn't you know it, the phone rang. The first thing I was asked by the caller was "Who is this?" Desperately not wanting to begin another confrontation and thus chance losing another friend, I simply stated that I didn't know.

Jim Fabiano, a teacher and writer who lives in York, Maine and is a past recipient of the Maine Press Association's award for Best Weekly Column. He is also the recipient of the Theodore William Richards Award for excellence in teaching chemistry and is a member of the AULA LAUDIS Society of the American Chemical Society.