It took me almost two hours to clean the bathrooms. I promised my wife I would help around the house more and was proud as a peacock I had completed one of the household tasks. I then ran throughout the house in order to find my wife and ask that immortal question, "Well, how did I do?." She answered me with another question that at the time made little sense. "Why is it so important to know how you did every time you do something?"Looking perplexed I asked again how well I did. She just shook her head and went back to what she was doing knowing full well she was not going to ask me how well she did.
Grabbing a beer from the refrigerator I decided to hide downstairs in our living room in order to contemplate what I just heard. At first I was a bit upset because I did clean the bathrooms and I was always under the concept men were never supposed to clean bathrooms. Actually anything short of a ticker tape parade would have disappointed me after I completed this womanly task. After a few seconds this ridiculous thought put a smile on my face and prodded me into thinking about other instances in which I had to ask how well I did.
Thinking back to last summer I remember multiple times after I finished cutting my lawn and did my best to landscape my yard I could do nothing else until I found my wife and asked her how well I did. In fact, every time I washed our cars, did any painting around the house, tended to our garden, and even after taking out the garbage I had to be assured I did it OK.
I wonder if this is a man thing? I don't remember one instance in which my wife completed a task and asked me how well she did. When my daughter was born she didn't think it necessary to have my acceptance. For the past 36 years every time she made me my breakfast, lunch, and dinner she never thought it necessary to know if she did it correctly. In fact, I don't remember any time in which she asked me how well she did. This is probably because she always does everything well.
For my second beer I started to think about other times I thought I needed credence in order to feel successful for what I had completed. There were many times in school when I ended my class asking students how well I did. I remember multiple times after setting up field trips needing to be assured I had done everything I was supposed to do and did it perfectly.
I started remembering other times in which I had to receive acceptance for what I did. Once I cleaned and painted an outside sleigh my wife had purchased a few months earlier. After completing the task I remembered my wife was not home and all of my neighbors were inside their homes. I started to panic for how could I complete this task without knowing how well I did. Thanks God, there was a woman walking her dog down my street. I immediately waved and asked her how I did. She suspiciously waved and let her dog take a crap on my lawn near my newly painted sleigh. I guess this meant the dog thought I did OK.
Thinking this problem was more of a character flaw then habit I promised myself I would complete all future tasks without the necessity of asking how well I had done. Since I've been doing this for most if not all of my life I know it will take time and effort to break this obsession.
If you enjoyed this short essay you can contact me at any time and tell me how I did.
Jim Fabiano is a teacher and writer living in York, Maine
james.fabiano60@gmail.com
