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Guest Column

The Cart before the Horse
By John Walsh
Feb 6, 2014 - 12:20:02 AM

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The piece about the Doctor's comments on homosexuality, although just a bit of a lark, got me to thinking what a wicked wicked world we live in.

Now I'm not passing judgment here one way or t'other about whether what our little faerie friends do in the privacy of their bedrooms, I'm merely wanting to say that it is a wicked thing indeed when what is done in private becomes a thing of gossip round the dinner table.

My 'Ma and Da' would never let gossip in the door, and if any of us kids were heard blathering nasty words about someone, we could be sure to get a good 'clip round the ears'.

So I want to make a distinction here so that you good folks understand my meaning. I've got nothing against people for what they believe or what they do, as long as it is legal and they don't go pushing their shite in my face. I personally have nothing against the little nancies prancing around in their skimpy latex 'near nothings' at the Mardi Gras. It's all quite a laugh really. It's all quite 'gay' you might say.

As a kid we all loved 'gay' people, but of course in those days it had quite a different meaning. So my meaning here is that I am not bothered by 'nouveau' gays in society. It's their life and they should be able to live it as they please.

But when comes the religious argument about homosexuality, I find the subject all a bit of a bother. Take the evangelical viewpoint for instance.

According to the "Bible Thumpers" (well they do thump their bibles now don't they? so don't go getting all fired up about my use of the expression), if you don't believe in your heart and confess with your mouth that Jesus Christ is Lord, then ye be going to hell and such like, and I'm sure you'd find yourself a right mixed bag of people down there now wouldn't you?

If you'd chased skirt all of your life with narry a thought about the boyo beside you, but you didn't belong to the right church and say the right prayers, then you'd still go to hell. So what's the deal with everyone always going on about the queer folk?

If you'd never stolen so much as a penny; or told a lie; or said anything nasty about a soul; or never hurt anyone or killed anyone, but you didn't have the right 'admit' ticket when you passed over, it's off to the hot house with you - isn't it?

I guess what I'm saying is that I think the 'straight laced' religious folks have got the cart before the horse. It's not the 'kinky' stuff that gets you a free entry into the furnace, it's the rejection of our Blessed Saviour.

The Catholic church on the other hand, has a great system in place which, if you time it all just right, can give you a 'free pass' at the pearly gates. Unless you are one of those liberal nancy catholics, you aren't allowed to let your mind, eyes, hands or anything else go wandering over another boyos body. But if a wandering you do go, a quick trip to the confessional just before you kick the bucket will get you one of those free passes. You might of course have to spend some time in purgatory burning off the lingering guilt of a life time of pleasure, but that is another topic for another time.

The question that lingers in my mind is why so many priests, reverends and other gents wearing frocks spend so much time preaching about the daily misdeeds of people we already know are going down to warmer climates.

J.M.J. I get sick to death of listening to all that blarney. The gospel is supposed to be the 'Good News' as my protestant friends call it, but saints preserve us it doesn't come out of their mouths that way.

As a lad I grew up listening to the wonderful faith and deeds of the saints and how much God and the Virgin Mother love us all. Today all I hear about is the devil. I swear by all the saints in heaven; sometimes I come away thinking that the devil himself is God, such is his power over mankind. And that is just from the Catholics. I swear that 90 percent of the blarney that comes out of the mouths of my protestant friends is about the devil.

Sometimes I would just like to return to my childhood when everything was simple. All ye heard from the clergy was; Be good, say the Rosary every day, go to confession every Saturday, go to Mass every Sunday, be kind to animals, don't use profanity, and don't nick anything. Life was so simple then.

May you live to be a hundred years, with one extra year to repent!

John Walsh.

John J. Walsh, a Catholic, is originally from Ireland; went to high school and university in Australia, and later moved to the U.S.A. Fearing the hot blooded protestants and not wanting to reach heaven or hell faster than is God's plan, his personal email address and other particulars are not available for publication. You may however Email him at: johnjwalsh_magic

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