John and wife Margaret H lived in a modest neighborhood with their 3 daughters. John worked at his family owned business while Margaret stayed at home for the children. They tried to give the very best they could afford in education and material comforts to their children.
|Marriage expert and bestselling author Hellen Chen talks in a radio interview on how children can be raised to fail in relationships|
Other than the responsibility to complete their education, both of them would ask very little in return from their children. The 3 girls grew up with most of everything they would want.
Tanya, the oldest daughter, soon reached the age for marriage, and later tied the knot with her current husband Steven.
Upon the first year of marriage, Tanya "ran home" several times.
"She told me she simply missed her home life and could not stand married life." Margaret said, "I was shocked."
"I asked myself, 'Of all the education John and I have given to our children, what have I missed?" Margaret added.
Another case was Josephine C, who grew up as the only daughter in a family of 4 children. Her father, having built a family business from scratch, was able to provide the family with all material comforts. Josephine grew up with a silver spoon in her mouth.
She married husband Lawrence in her early 20s. There were quarrels and fights just as couples do but 6 years later Lawrence threw in the towel and they divorced. The reason? Josephine's insistence on acting like a needy spoiled daughter rather than as a wife.
Josephine said, "I used to think that I was just one of those unlucky people who did not make it in a marriage. But now I know my marriage failed because I was still the spoiled brat who expected my dad, mom and husband to give in to my needs."
I consulted with Tanya and Josephine and shared my views on marriage and relationships. These two women represent a breed of our young generation who have grown up with everything. They never have to contribute to anything nor strive to make a relationship better. Their parents gave all to them.
With my help Tanya finally settled down in her marriage and did not head off to the divorce court. She continued to work on shouldering the burdens of her household which she had never needed to do before. She is now a mother of two and has a close relationship with her husband.
There is nothing wrong with providing our children with everything we can. But if we do not help our children to stand on their feet and to know they have responsibilities too, we are simply creating trouble for their future relationships and career. Their future spouse will not be as willing as the parents to continue 'spoiling' them.
Most parents want to give the best to their children. However, some parents have also unwittingly imparted the lesson that since everything is provided for, one does not need to work hard for anything -- including relationships.
I also believe that the more dating one does with different partners, the more one believes there is always someone out there who is better. People are quick to magnify the flaws of another. But yet most people have never been taught to work through relationship difficulties with someone.
Hellen Chen's work in family, marriage and personal developments are featured in over 200 media publications in 20 countries. She is a frequent guest on independent and network radio and TV shows on FOX, CBS, NBC and ABC etc
Hellen will be holding her popular "Love seminar" for singles and couples in Los Angeles on Sep 6 Saturday. In the seminar, Chen talks about the different ways to make a relationship last for couples and how to find the right match in the first place for singles.
She is also a three-times number one bestselling author who has written 25 books on the subject of relationships and marriage. One of her latest works "Hellen Chen's Love Seminar" touches upon the phenomenon of "easy breakups." For more information about Chen's work, visit www.MatchmakerOfTheCentury.com