Being single around the holidays can be daunting - at least until we find our groove. First of all, there is the whole being single at the holidays theme- going to parties alone, finding a date when needed, hostingwithout the support of a partner, planning what to do and, perhaps feeling more sensitive than usual. Secondly, there is the bit with the ex- family gatherings, getting along, perhaps seeing them more than we would like and, potentiallyseeing them with a new partner, which can be hurtful. Here are my tips to navigating the holiday season single style in style.
1. Stay calm- Don't panic
First things first, stay calm and centered in the truth of who you are. This is where a solid meditation practice really pays off dividends. Meditation is the perfect tool to connect to the loving energiesaround and within you so you feel nurtured, supported and loved. When we panic, we get desperate, and we make mistakes. The more calm and centered you can remain, the more you can really keep fearful thoughts and anxieties at bay.
2. Share concerns with loved ones- Don't keep feelings bottled up inside
Here it's important to share your fears and expectations with loved ones. This includes parents, siblings, cousins, children and, ofcourse, the ex. If you are feeling stress and anxiety, chances are your family, children and ex are as well. Everyone wants holidays to be fun and filled with joy, laughter and, love so it's only natural to worry about any family member feeling lonely and sad. I suggest being open about what you are worried about, and how you would like the season to flow. What seems obvious to you is not always obvious to those who love you. If you keep your feelings bottled up inside, not only do you harm yourself with the toxins of negative, fear based emotions, but you risk exploding, - and exploding during the holidays is never a good idea.
3. Plan ahead- Don't risk being bored with nothing to do
Here it's important to plan for each day during the holiday season - Who will have the children on which days, how will the holiday meals be shared and what will happen on each day of the vacation. I have prepared a holiday schedule for myself where I scheduled in activities for each day. It's not necessary to be busy each minute of each day, but it is helpful to offer an outline of each day. My schedule includes days alone where I will write, clean out cupboards, organize photo albums, cook, days I will have outings with my children, days I will invite friends and family over, days I will be in town, and days I will go to the country.
4. Get away- Don't get cheap
A change of scene is always healthy- so organizing some kind of getaway is a good idea. Here, don't be afraid to stretch financially and treat yourself to some kind of holiday away. When choosing where to go and what to do, remember to honor your comfort level while fostering growth and pushing out a little. If you don't like eating alone in public, for instance, do not choose a holiday where you need to eat out each meal. Alternatively, if you get nervous being alone, choose a holiday where you will be surrounded by lots of people and kept very busy. You want your get away to give you more energy, so you come home refreshed and renewed, not rob you of energy so you come homeexhausted and depressed.
5. Get excited- Don't feel sorry for yourself
Here, the focus is on not only getting through the holidays, but actually enjoying them. Much satisfaction can be derived from taking control of your schedule and doing something new and different. Often time we value being married over being single and we forget that there are many married couples out there who are unhappy in their marriage. When we live a spiritual life, where we strive for deep connection- we find the courage to face our fears and stand on our own feet as required. Get excited about all the good you are now bringing into your life and creating for yourself.
Navigating the holiday season in style as a single has a lot more to do with how we feel about who we are as an individual and the life we have created for ourselves rather than our relationship status. It's easy to forget that many couples dread the holidays just as much as some singles do. Many couples no longer enjoy each other's company like they once did and are, perhaps, unable to let go of something that has run its course. When we remember who we truly are and are deeply anchored in the truth of what we are, we are each well equipped to face any holiday with style and in style.
Author of Stepping into Consciousness
Nicky Rolland is a spiritual teacher and author. She just released Stepping into Consciousness: A Guide to Living a Life of Meaning, Joy and, Abundance. Nicky holds a Bachelor in Commerce from Concordia University. She completed her medicine wheel training with the Four Winds Society before becoming a certified Kripalu yoga teacher. For more information about Nicky, her teachings, and the on line tools she offers in spiritual healing, growth and transformation please visit her website www.nickyrolland.com