T.D. Polo-Sanchez' letters to his brother in America -
pasteurized somewhat for Magic City Readers.
Hello harmonious brother from the land of tea and soot
In China the fastest way to get something is not a straight line but a curve. This country is a parrallel world on the same planet. Meanings are implied and true intentions are cloaked somewhere between the words. At the school's in-convenience store I have learned not to let anything seperate from my body. The curious clerks were helping themselves to look at my things.
In Chinese I want to tell them not to open my books, for example, because ''I have so much loose paper in them. I don't want them to fall out and dirty your floors.'' In the Western world this means ''Leave my stuff alone!'' But my Chinese is not there yet. The Chinese culture revolves around keeping ''face'' and relationships known as Mianxi and Guanxi. I cannot explain these concepts well for I do not know them fully. One former British Ambassador to China said, ''The West has no true experts on China, just people with different degrees of ignorance.'' This after he was in country for ten years. Not even the Chinese understand it all.
I came up with a term that those from America unfamiliar with this culture can understand. I call it ''Jedi Mind Trick Mode.'' The Star Wars Jedi Knights manipulated the minds of their subjects by using the ''force'' to get their way. One example was where one of the teachers wanted my class period, in this case the long class of 55 minutes instead of the usual 45. I teach every class once every two weeks and the Chinese teachers weekly. The teacher asked: ''Are you teaching the class?'' I said yes. He then asked me the same thing. This was Jedi Mind Trick Mode time. I had to infer from his answers that he wanted the class. Being a Padawan in training, I said that it was his choice. He looked more sullen into his computer and replied: ''You know it is a long class.'' Conjuring up more of the ''force,'' I finally understood what he wanted this time. I told him that I only needed 30 minutes and that he could have the rest of the time. Thus we reached a compromise and harmony was restored.
One of my rules is to never ask what I am eating since 95 out of 100 times it will taste good. The Chinese are notorious for eating anything that ''does not eat them first,'' as one teacher told me. My favorite Chinese saying on food is ''If it flies and it is not an airplane, you can eat it. If it swims and it is not a submarine you can eat it. It it has four legs and it is not a chair you can eat it.'' This is why the Chinese get all those funky diseases. You are what you eat and the Chinese are an amalgamation of MSG, ginseng, garlic, tea, and pork, and these are just the children and women. For the males you can add nicotine and baijiu (Chinese alcohol). Something in that cocktail works for I see many older Chinese walking around that look good.
Recently, I broke this rule when I asked a friend about a red cube in my soup. What I thought was tofu was actually duck's blood. I try to eat everything from duck's tongues to the flourescent fish from the local canals. I am a sucker for ducks. I could not continue eating the soup.
You have to love China. Where else in the world can someone throw a snot bomb close to your feet and then wave and smile.
T. C. Polo-Sanchez
Assembled in the United States from parts made in Mexico and exported to China, T.D. Polo-Sanchez has taken a year of absence from his post at an American high school to teach Oral English in China.
He hopes that you enjoy his posts and remember that he writes with a deep love and affinity to the Chinese people. In this world while we laugh at others and at ourselves, we laugh together. T.D. Polo-Sanchez Email: eslinstructor33@yahoo.com
