Laughter and Humour are good for the Soul they say. It's psychological effect can do marvellous things to the physical body. Unfortunately the politically correct are robbing us of our simple joys. If you are politically correct then these jokes are not for you. R.P.BenDedek

1. Many aspects of human sexuality are very puzzling, take celibacy.

This can be a choice in life, or a condition imposed by environmental factors.

While attending a Marriage Encounter Weekend, Tony and Julie listened to the instructor declare 'It is essential that husbands and wives know the things that are important to each other.' He addressed the men. 'Can you each name and describe your wife's favourite flower?'

Tony leaned over, touched Julie's arm gently and whispered, 'Self-raising, isn't it?' Thus began Tony's life of celibacy.

2. A New Wine for Seniors (as heard on the grapevine)

Hunter vintners in the Pokolbin area, which primarily produce Pinot Blanc, Pinot Noir and Pinot Grigio wines, have developed a new hybrid grape that acts as an anti-diuretic. It is expected to reduce the number of trips older people have to make to the bathroom during the night. The new wine will be marketed as PINO MORE

3. Because they had no reservations at a busy restaurant, my elderly neighbor and his wife were told there would be a 45-minute wait for a table. 'Young man, we're both 90 years old, ' the husband said . 'We may not have 45 minutes.' They were seated immediately.

4. All eyes were on the radiant bride as her father escorted her down the aisle.

They reached the altar and the waiting groom; the bride kissed her father and placed something in his hand. The guests in the front pews responded with ripples of laughter.. Even the priest smiled broadly. As her father gave her away in marriage, the bride gave him back his credit card.

5. Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea.

6. Three friends from the local congregation were asked, 'When you're in your casket, and friends and congregation members are mourning over you, what would you like them to say?'

Artie said: ' I would like them to say I was a wonderful husband, a fine spiritual leader, and a great family man.'

Eugene commented: 'I would like them to say I was a wonderful teacher and servant of God who made a huge difference in people's lives.'

Al said: 'I'd like them to say, 'Look, he's moving!'

7. Smith climbs to the top of Mt.Sinai to get close enough to talk to God. Looking up, he asks the Lord...

'God, what does a million years mean to you?' The Lord replies, 'A minute.'

Smith asks, 'And what does a million dollars mean to you?' The Lord replies, 'A penny.'

'Smith asks, 'Can I have a penny?' 'The Lord replies, 'In a minute.'

8. John was on his deathbed and gasped pitifully. 'Give me one last request, dear,' he said.

'Of course, John,' his wife said softly.

'Six months after I die,' he said, 'I want you to marry Bob.'

'But I thought you hated Bob,' she said.

With his last breath John said, 'I do!'

9. A man goes to see the Rabbi. 'Rabbi, something terrible is happening and I have to talk to you about it.' The Rabbi asked, 'What's wrong?'

The man replied, 'My wife is poisoning me.'

The Rabbi, very surprised by this, asks, 'How can that be?'

The man then pleads, 'I'm telling you, I'm certain she's poisoning me, what should I do?'

The Rabbi then offers, 'Tell you what. Let me talk to her, I'll see what I can find out and I'll let you know.'

A week later the Rabbi calls the man and says, 'Well, I spoke to your wife. I spoke to her on the phone for three hours. You want my advice?'

The man said yes and the Rabbi replied, 'Take the poison'

Posted by R.P.BenDedek from received emails. Original Authors unknown.

Email: rpbendedek@hotmail.com

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