How The Fight Started.

Many years ago my wife came home from the hairdresser with a brand new, short style hairdo. I was stunned. She looked fantastic. She took one look at my face and abused the hell out of me, telling me that if I didn't like it I could go jump off a bridge. On another occasion she asked me about a new dress she bought. I told her that I loved the patterns in it. Then she accused me of hating the style. As far as I am concerned, there are many ways to start a fight with the wife, but there is one way that beats the rest - 'open your mouth!'

This series of 'How the fight started' was sent in an email without acknowledgement of the author's identity. I hope at least one will make you laugh. R.P. BenDedek rpbendedek@hotmail.com

One year, a husband decided to buy his mother-in-law a cemetery plot as a Christmas gift. The next year, he didn't buy her a gift at all and when she asked him why, he replied, "Well, you still haven't used the gift I bought you last year!"

And that's how the fight started.

My wife walked into the den and asked "What's on the TV?"

I replied "Dust"

And that's how the fight started.

A woman is standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror. She is not happy with what she sees and says to her husband, "I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me a compliment."

The husband replies, "Your eyesight's damn near perfect."

And that's how the fight started.

My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary.

She said, 'I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 200 in about 3 seconds.'

So I bought her a scale.

And that's how the fight started.

I asked my wife, "Where do you want to go for our anniversary?"

It warmed my heart to see her face melt in sweet appreciation. "Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!" she said.

So I suggested, "How about the kitchen?"

And that's how the fight started.

My wife and I are watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire while we were in bed.

I turned to her and said, "Do you want to have sex?"

"No," she answered.

I then said, "Is that your final answer?"

She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying "Yes."

So I said, "Then I'd like to phone a friend."

And that's how the fight started.

I tried to talk my wife into buying a case of Miller Light for $14.95.
Instead, she bought a jar of cold cream for $7.95. I told her the beer would make her look better at night than the cold cream.

And that's how the fight started.

I took my wife to a restaurant. The waiter, for some reason, took my order first.

"I'll have the strip steak, medium rare, please."

He said, "Aren't you worried about the mad cow?"

"Nah, she can order for herself."

And that's how the fight started

Come on surely one of these quips made you smile?