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From Magic City Morning Star Entertainment
The 6 Best Smart Answers of 2006 No. 6 It was mealtime during a flight on Hooters Airline. "Would you like dinner?" the flight attendant asked John, seated in front. "What are my choices?" John asked. No. 5 A flight attendant was stationed at the departure gate to check tickets. As a man approached, she extended her hand for the ticket and he opened his trench coat and flashed her. Without missing a beat, she said, "Sir, I need to see your ticket not your stub. No. 4 A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the grocery store but she couldn't find one big enough for her family. She asked a stock boy, "Do these turkeys get any bigger?" The stock boy replied, "No ma'am, they're dead." No. 3 The cop got out of his car and the kid who was stopped for speeding rolled down his window. "I've been waiting for you all day," the cop said. The kid replied, "Yeah, well I got here as fast as I could." When the cop finally stopped laughing, he sent the kid on his way without a ticket. No. 2 A truck driver was driving along on the freeway. A sign comes up that reads, "Low Bridge Ahead. "Before he knows it, the bridge is right ahead of him and he gets stuck under the bridge. Cars are backed up for miles. Finally, a police car comes up. The cop gets out of his car and walks to the truck driver, puts his hands on his hips and says, "Got stuck, huh?" The truck driver says, "No, I was delivering this bridge and ran out of gas." Smart Answer of the year 2006 A college teacher reminds her class of tomorrow's final exam. "Now class, I won't tolerate any excuses for you not being here tomorrow. I might consider a nuclear attack or a serious personal injury, illness, or a death in your immediate family, but that's it, no other excuses whatsoever!" A smart-ass guy in the back of the room raised his hand and asked, "What would you say if tomorrow I said I was suffering from complete and utter sexual exhaustion?" The entire class is reduced to laughter and snickering. When silence is restored, the teacher smiles knowingly at the student, shakes her head and sweetly says, "Well, I guess you'd have to write the exam with your other hand." The Year's Best [actual] Headlines of 2006: Crack Found on Governor's Daughter And the winner is.... Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead A guy walks into a Glasgow library and says to the prim librarian,"Excuse me Miss, day ye hiv ony books on suicide?" To which she stops doing her tasks, looks at him over the top of her glasses, and says, Rack Off! Ye'll no bring it back!" Paddy's pregnant sister was in a terrible car accident and went into a deep coma. After being in the coma for nearly six months, she wakes up and sees that she is no longer pregnant; frantically, she asks the doctor about her baby. The doctor replies, "Ma'am, you had twins!..... A boy and a girl. The babies are fine now however they were poorly at birth and had to be christened immediately - your brother came in and named them. The woman thinks to herself, "Oh no, not me brother... he's a fecking, clueless, gobshite!" Expecting the worst, she asks the doctor, "Well, what's my daughter's name?" "Denise," says the doctor. The new mother is somewhat relieved "Wow, that's a beautiful name, I guess I was wrong about my brother....I like Denise." Then she asks, "What's the boy's name?" "Denephew" Posted by R.P. Bendedek Email: rpbendedek@hotmail.com © Copyright 2002-2008 by Magic City Morning Star |