Totally and utterly politically incorrect but funny nonetheless, come these jokes sent in by different readers. All from Unknown Original Authors, and posted by R.P. BenDedek Email: firstname.lastname@example.org If you have a joke, poem, article, commentary, news or a story that you would like to submit, please feel free to send it in.
'Survivor - Maine Style.'
Due to the popularity of the Survivor shows, Maine is planning to do its own, titled 'Survivor - Maine Style.'
The contestants will start in Bangor , travel up to Millinocket and then, they will head southwest to Greenville , then over to Rangeley. From there they will proceed south to Portland and Bath. The final leg will be back to Bangor again--making a loop around the state!
Each will be driving a pink Volvo with Massachusetts license plates and a HUGE bumper sticker that reads: I'm gay. I'm a vegetarian. Beer is harmful to your health. Republicans suck. Obama is God. Deer hunting is murder, and I'm here to confiscate your guns.'
The first one that makes it back to Bangor alive wins.
Glasgow Boys join Ferrari.
"The Ferrari F1 team fired their entire pit crew yesterday."
This announcement followed Ferrari's decision to take advantage of the British government's 'Work for your Dole' scheme and employ some Glasgow youngsters.
The decision to hire them was brought about by a recent documentary on how unemployed youths from Castlemilk were able to remove a set of wheels in less than 6 seconds without proper equipment, whereas Ferrari's existing crew could only do it in 8 seconds with millions of pounds worth of high tech equipment.
It was thought to be an excellent, bold move by the Ferrari management team as most races are won and lost in the pits, giving Ferrari an advantage over every other team.
However, Ferrari got more than they bargained for! At the crew's first practice session, not only was the Glasgow pit crew able to change all four wheels in under 6 seconds but, within 12 seconds, they had re-sprayed, re-badged and sold the car to the Mclaren team for 8 cases of Stella, a bag of weed and some photos of Lewis Hamilton's bird in the shower.
Just in case you are having a rough day, here is a stress management technique recommended in all the latest psychological journals. The funny thing is that it really does work and will make you smile.
1. Picture yourself lying on your tummy on a warm rock that hangs out over a crystal clear stream.
2. Picture yourself with both your hands dangling in the cool running water.
3. Birds are sweetly singing in the cool mountain air.
4. No one knows your secret place.
5. You are in total seclusion from that hectic place called the world.
6. The soothing sound of a gentle waterfall fills the air with a cascade of serenity.
7. The water is so crystal clear that you can easily make out the face of the person you are holding underwater.
There -- See? -- It really does work.
You're smiling already.
'Just for a Laugh' Series