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Doug Wrenn

The Battle Of The Sinuses
By Doug Wrenn
Jan 29, 2013 - 1:13:42 AM

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It is simple arithmetic, yet it can also make us sick. If they multiply, you feel like you will die. Yet their aim seems to be to divide and conquer. The end result is a dry, runny or generally sore honker. But of course, aside from all these pluses and minuses, I speak of our temperamental nemesis, those dreaded, awful sinuses!

Our noses they do so clog and while our heads, if only we could remove from our necks, as periodic balances and checks...torment us as they throb!

The benign sounding clinical term is simply sinusitis. Yet with it, our faces, our most identifying feature, so often seem to fight us!

In colder climates, where winter is a factor, we sniffle, itch, rub, moan, and so yearn to breathe. And then we see that cute, perky weather girl giving us another sugar-coated bad forecast, and we then tend to get mad at her, and scream at the TV!

With the elements outside, we tend to stay in, succumbing to "the agony of defeat." Yet dry air only makes it worse, as if some cruel practical joke, if not curse, and trying to blow the nose more, will only cause it to bleed, and make you, an unhappy bloke!

This affliction can make us feel gross, and so often return without warning, as if haunting us like a ghost, all day, beginning in the morning. They make us wallow in misery, from throat up to head. Add in some allergens, and you'll really wish you were dead!

For winter is not the only time, these sinuses are less than sublime. In seasons without reasons, spread through the year in all, they can return for a spring fling, or in autumn, to cause our repeated fall.

The docs try to give us stuff to grant us some relief. For sinuses are stubborn, crafty and uncaring, as they rob us of joy, like a bandit in the night, or even a daring daytime thief!

They can be worsened with a mere sprinkle of dust! Sometimes the answer is going under the knife, if a desperate one so must!

We can acquire them later, as we grow and become old. So if you are of that age, do something about that damp cellar, because they also love mold!

These clogged passageways are a pain, not a gem! Just think of the Holland or Lincoln Tunnel, on Friday afternoon, at about 5 P.M.!

They live north through our face, ending up in our head, which is where the problem often likes to sit. Until it springs a leak, and journeys south to our throat, then becoming (oh, joy)...yes, post-nasal drip!

Sometimes caused by air, interior, or exterior, that may not be right. Or it could be from barometric pressure, worsening our chronic plight.

But whatever the cause, the suffering is still always greater. We dare not move our head, though it feels heavier than a beached freighter!

But from my sage old mother, she has just the cure for you! After all those endless and useless facial massages, disposed tissue boxes, and still desperate for that one clearing "AH-CHOO"!

Take a sip of brandy to make yourself feel dandy, and if that fails, try two, three, or maybe even four! Much like chicken soup for a cold, you might still be sick, but that is not the trick.

It's just that after that last shot, you just might not care any more!

And while that advice may not sound scientific, practical, or even really great, all I know is she's certainly not sick any more.

And she's generally pretty spry...and damned near 88!

Doug Wrenn


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