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Doug Wrenn

Sound Advice To Israel About Gaza From Me, But Inspired By "Stonewall" And "Clemenza"
By Doug Wrenn
Jan 5, 2009 - 4:57:48 PM

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Talk to any seasoned cop and he'll tell you that in any garden variety verbal domestic dispute, there are three sides to every story: his, hers, and the truth, which is a little of both, and found somewhere in the middle. Nevertheless, once the verbal domestic dispute escalates to the point at which one party or the other is assaulted, the tit for tat details lose whatever little importance they once may have had and the aggressor gets a free ride to an all expenses paid vacation to the local jail, while being adorned with a complimentary pair of shiny silver bracelets as a secondary prize. It's all about the priorities. And that's why I really couldn't care less about the drivel I hear from the far left loons who try to persuade me that I'm supposed to feel sorry for Hamas. The Israelis may not necessarily be angels, but Hamas, while a political party, is also a band of terrorists. As if that fact doesn't clarify the whole scenario enough, I just found out that the very esteemed Roseann Barr, Magna Cum Laude graduate of the renowned Hollywood Foreign Affairs Expertise Correspondence Course, is now officially out of hibernation and seeking food for the next season. She has also awakened from her slumber with a trademark growl by calling Israel a "Nazi State." Now I know I'm on the right side!

As Yogi Berra once famously said, "It's déjà vu all over again." We are again plagued with the same tired and tedious hyperbole and excuses that we heard when Hezbollah attacked Israel from Lebanon a couple years ago. Civilians are endangered and even targeted, and the response is disproportionate. Saying "Hezbollah" and "Hamas" is like saying "Yankees" and "Red Sox;" same game, different players, only instead of baseball, we're talking about terrorism. And these thugs all use the same tactics and their anti-Semitic sycophants all use the same excuses to justify them. Civilians are endangered because these thugs use them as human shields while targeting rockets at civilian areas themselves. My own religious faith has what's called a "Just War Doctrine." I'm not quite sure how to fight a "just" war, which is OK, because I am certainly no great military mind, but then again, those who are great military minds seem abjectly perplexed at how to go about it as well. What I do know is that during this skirmish, Israel has allowed humanitarian aid into Gaza. I haven't heard Hamas, which up until a couple years ago, I thought was only a lunch item on the menu of a Middle Eastern restaurant, reciprocating with similar compassion for the civilians they claim to be so concerned about. As for a disproportionate response, even Sun Tzu would have warned these tongue-twirling thugs that if you're dumb enough pick a fight with someone bigger, tougher and stronger than you, you're assuredly and deservedly going to get thrashed. Those rocket launching lowlifes that sound like a lunch entree should get on their knees and thank Allah that they haven't been nuked to a crisp and served well done on pita bread with a side of tahini yet. As for an unjust war, that is a just war as far as I'm concerned. General Sherman recognized that when he literally burned up much of the south in his March to Atlanta during the Civil War. War is like boiling a live lobster for supper; it's as necessary as it is harsh, but the hotter you make the environment, the sooner you end the anguish. Isn't that tactic actually more compassionate in the end?

I think I like President Bush better as a "lame duck" President. Now, with nothing much else to worry about but his legacy, perhaps we are seeing more of his true colors. For too long, the US has treated Israel, our supposedly closet ally, as a dog. Yes, dog is man's best friend, but when man is walking with the dog, who sees a very attractive female dog in heat across the street, dog acts on his natural impulses to run after her, and man gives dog a hard yank on the leash, not only nearly snapping poor horny dog's neck and very rudely interrupting his romantic plans, but thereby also showing dog who's boss. We've tried to be both boss and friend to Israel for too long, and I must concede, to Israel's detriment. Israel listened to us during the first war with Iraq and got pummeled by scud missiles for her reward. When then Prime Minister Ariel Sharon had enough of Bush's hypocritical dove rhetoric that the US, in Israel's situation, would never accept, Sharon sent tanks into Palestine and like somebody just flicked a switch, POOF! All of a sudden, the recent rash of suicide bombings (in crowded Israeli civilian areas like shopping malls and restaurants) from the alleged champions of humanitarian compassion suddenly came to an abrupt halt. For giving up Gaza, Israel practically gave tacit approval to an adversarial rocket launch pad, now working overtime on its own people. Nobody needed Nostradamus working on the tealeaves to see that sure-bet result coming. We eventually restrained Israel with diplomacy when Hamas attacked it from a weakened Lebanon, but it took some doing. Now, despite recent peace rhetoric from equally lame duck Secretary of State, Condi Rice, the US has opposed a UN call for a ceasefire as Israel has now begun an incursion into Gaza with ground troops after softening the area with artillery. Like Hezbollah, al Qaeda and all the rest of the terrorist vermin, Hamas needs to be thoroughly annihilated once and for all, and with impunity. These incessant UN ceasefires equate to little more than a "Get out of jail free card" from a Monopoly game. With the inept and corrupt UN intervening every time Israel gets the upper hand (and doing little to nothing when Israel is ever initially attacked), what motivation is there for these terrorist groups to stop their aggression? Answer: about as much motivation as greedy and dysfunctional American corporations have to reform when they know Uncle Sam will continue to bail them out on the taxpayers' dime every time they screw up! We might be a little slow, but we're learning. The dog is now off the leash, at least in Gaza. Go, get him, Fido!

Hamas, Hezbollah, et al are as much a threat to the world as they are to we two reputed "Satans," big and small (the US and Israel), and to the naïve liberals who think they are defending a bunch of turban-wearing teddy bears. Here's a clue: I wouldn't worry so much about any teddy bear wearing a turban, but that cute little assault rifle he's toting makes him just a little dubious. Like Hezbollah, Hamas started this fight with aggression into civilian areas while using civilians as shields for return fire. No, I really don't care what grievances they have against Israel. Terrorists have no credibility, and they also offer no bargaining chits. You cannot negotiate with someone who only wants your blood any more than you would ever try to coax a rabid dog with a biscuit. The solution to both scenarios is the same: dispatch the aggressor expeditiously and with zeal. Death is the only outcome. The only matters to be decided are who wins the grand prize, and who gets to deliver it.

That is not to say that I like violence and oppose peace. If Hamas wants peace, then let it surrender, but on only one term, as previously and sagely quoted by our own General Grant during the Civil War: "unconditional surrender." Terrorists don't deserve, and as history repeatedly and painfully shows us, cannot be trusted with compromise. The more Israel gives in and gives away, such as Gaza, the more it only suffers later on for its trouble. Israel's US/UN imposed status as one big flea market of land and blood needs to end now. The Palestinians have a very bizarre way of saying "thank you." It was the Palestinians who kicked the Jews out of Gaza in the 1929 riots until the Jews acquired independence in 1948, and while modern day Palestinians accuse Israel of limiting needed supplies into Gaza, they oddly enough and conveniently find no fault with their tyrannical gatekeepers, Hamas. As with most if not all areas of the world, poverty has more to do with interior oppression than it does actual lack of resources, be they native or imported. History has also taught us, again, both repeatedly and painfully, that appeasement, whether to some screaming German psycho, still angry because his art was never appreciated and because he accidentally shaved way too much off his funny looking little moustache, or some evil radical Muslim fanatical freak, who still obsessively waxes romantic about the seventh century and who gets some twisted sexual arousal at the prospect of blowing up the world with him in it, never works. The people of Gaza have been plundered by an elected regime of corruption and oppression, as well as terrorism. They had a chance at true democracy and tranquility but instead voted in Hamas. That's kind of like our founding fathers inviting King George III and a couple divisions of his redcoats as guests over to Philadelphia to help celebrate the signing of the Declaration of Independence over tea and crumpets. The Palestinians are living proof that democracy tragically does not work everywhere. At least a voting majority of them just don't fully grasp the concept for whatever reason. And yet they wonder and sputter why Israel won't recognize and accept the Palestinians' self-inflicted political chicanery in good faith. I do have sympathy for the civilians suffering on both sides of this conflict, and for that matter, especially for the Palestinian Christians, whom neither side recognizes or cares about, and as conservatives here typical only obsess over the Israelis and liberals only throw myopic, feel-good hissy fits over the Palestinian Muslims, including the radical and degenerate faction of cretins who we saw cheering in news reports when they learned of the attacks of September 11th. Somebody please pass me the tahini.

Love him or hate him, but Rush Limbaugh prophetically predicted a few years ago that peace will never come to Israel and Palestine unless one or the other is destroyed. Sadly, he's right. All these ceasefires, negotiations, and political correct concessions are like red lights on a busy thoroughfare; they delay traffic, but it keeps flowing anyway. Ditto with the Middle East conflict, barring a significant and permanent mindset change, primarily from the Palestinians. Meanwhile, we can and should all hope and pray for a soon and lasting peace, but I don't see that preferable conclusion to this ongoing tragedy occurring anytime soon. Hearts and minds must first change among the moderate Palestinian Muslims of the region, who must once and for all decide what kind of lives they wish to live: peaceful or anarchistic, because they can't have their cake and eat it too. While they can passively smirk, wink and nod at what happens to Jews, Christians, Americans, other westerners, and all other perceived so-called "infidels," what goes around comes around, and it's going to keep coming back to bite them in their fence sitting backsides, too. As for the radical Muslims, who, unlike the Jews, have historically been and still are the world's instigators of turmoil, and as for all the various other terrorist organizations, the solution to the invading rockets is hardly rocket science. In fact, the idea was rightfully floated by General "Stonewall" Jackson, I believe during one of the Civil War battles of Bull Run. One of his aides desperately commented on the seemingly never-ending waves of Union troops into the Confederate lines. The aide, if even rhetorically, asked General Jackson what they should do. Staring coolly straight ahead with his icy blue eyes, Jackson quintessentially answered without even missing a beat: "Kill them, kill them all."

Once having theoretically dispatched and/or imprisoned all of the Hamas aggressors and supporters, Israel's work would still not be done. The Palestinians have no rightful claim to Gaza, and even if they did, what's done is done, and they cannot and should not have Gaza now any more than Mexico should claim rights to our American southwest. (Somehow, however, Mexico apparently never got that memo!) The Palestinians have only proven, in some cases directly, and in other cases indirectly, that they are apparently as incapable as they are unwilling to posses and run Gaza in peace. They had their chance. They blew it. What was not long ago ironically dubbed the "roadmap for peace" has since predictably crashed into a dead-end. The peaceful Palestinians should also be taught a well-deserved lesson but only by peaceful example. Israel, which just a couple years ago, had to actually evict its own people from the area, should now reclaim and resettle the Gaza Strip while also still allowing the Palestinians to remain there to live unmolested and in harmony with the Jews for however long they can prove their commitment to do so peacefully, or else either vacate or face similar consequences of the Hamas regime and base.

I recall a famous scene from the movie, "The Godfather." Clemenza, having just killed a family traitor after a making brief stop at a bakery, cavalierly instructs his underling after the grisly deed is done, "Leave the gun; take the cannolis" Thus is also my similar advice to Israel: take back the strip, but leave the Palestinians.

At least for now, and hopefully, pending their reform.

Doug Wrenn


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