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Brian Evankovich

Random Chunks of Muddle
By Brian Evankovich
Apr 7, 2004 - 2:34:00 AM

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I have super hearing. Really, I do. Puts Superman to shame (though I'm jealous of his x-ray vision - and his ability to fly). Last week I eavesdropped - I mean, accidentally overheard, because of my super hearing - a mother and daughter chit-chatting in the grocery line and their conversation made me want to turn around and shake some sense into them (it's a good thing I have this forum otherwise I would have been arrested).

Mother: "This is good for Mommy because it has low calories."

Daughter: "Where does it say that?"

Mother: "Right here."

Daughter (reading): "Sixty."

Since they were behind me, I stole a quick glance over my shoulder; saw the daughter, not even ten years old, put something in the basket and hold up a pint of well-known ice cream.

Daughter: "Maybe we should be this back because it has too many calories."

I walked away shaking my head. For hate's sake, "calories" shouldn't even be in that little girl's vocabulary. But her mother, having been brainwashed by our corrupt masochistic society into believing that all women should be a size minus three, is doing a great job in making sure her daughter gets the same treatment. She'll turn out to be another neurotic, over-sensitive female with low self-esteem constantly checking the scale to make sure she conforms to the standards of society and if she doesn’t measure up, well – she can always jam a finger down her throat so everything balances out. It will be a happy day indeed when the beauty magazines go out of business because women have rejected their lies. There are other culprits, but the magazines are a good place to start.


What's the deal with William Hung?

For those of you just joining us, Mr. Hung is a young man from my neck of the woods (California) who sang for the nation on the American Idol show a few months ago. He performed a stirring rendition of Ricky Martin's classic pop tune, "She Bangs". Mr. Hung performed his tune off-key, which his broken English didn't help, and he was quickly ejected from the competition despite giving it the old college try.

Now he has his own record deal - his CD has just come out - and I wish I could play some cuts for you because they truly are horrific. He makes Britney Spears sound like Ella Fitzgerald. It's hard to describe the songs without sounding like I'm making a personal attack, and I truly don't mean that, but he's terrible. To make it worse, the producers put various sound effects in the background to mask Hung's broken English and bad voice.

William Hung doesn't deserve his fifteen minutes of fame, and is giving other no-talents a lot of false hope. There are some people who just don't belong on TV, radio, or in concert. But the circus always has a freak show. We live in a circus, so it's appropriate.

Brian Evankovich lives in California where he keeps his bowling trophies on a shelf in the garage - right next to Britney's head.

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