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Brian Evankovich

California Dreamin' and the Joy of Digital Cable
By Brian Evankovich
Sep 28, 2004 - 4:54:00 AM

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He's not mad at you.... he's mad at the dirt.
The City of San Francisco, in beautiful California, is one of the few cities in these United States where you can walk the streets without any clothes on and not get arrested.

And it's about time.

A Reuters story from last week sums it up: "City prosecutors Wednesday said it was not illegal to perform naked yoga in the city -- even at the crowded tourist destination of Fisherman's Wharf."

There's a fellow at the Wharf everybody calls the Naked Yoga Guy, you see, and he often visits that location to show everybody the glory of his birthday suit while he does all the bending and stretching yoga requires. He's also trying to peddle a yoga book and convince everybody that they should also be doing yoga. Somebody complained, as you can imagine, but the district attorney's office decided the man couldn't be charged because local laws, for some odd reason, do not bar public nudity. Forget all that public indecency garbage! This is the 21st Century!

Back to the Reuters story: "'Simply being naked on the street is not a crime in San Francisco,'" said Debbie Mesloh, a spokeswoman for the district attorney's office. 'To bring a case, a person would have to exhibit lewd behavior, block traffic or impede pedestrians on a sidewalk, something along those lines.'"

When word of this ges out, San Francisco will be invaded by nudists. You watch. And nobody will even blink. We're so used to odd activity in this town, nothing surprises anybody. It used to be such a nice town, too. During Prohibition it was worse than Chicago. Those were the days, brother.

The kicker is, the fine folks at the San Francisco Convention and Visitors Bureau just put together a new advertising campaign to lure tourists to our home town, and they hit the mother lode with the city's new slogan:

ONLY IN SAN FRANCISCO

***

Have any of you experienced the joy of digital cable, or installed one of those rooftop satellite dishes? My roommate recently purchased the cable option because he wants to watch a certain show on the Sci-Fi Network. It must be nice having so much disposable income.

Such an expense, however, has proved fruitless. Turns out he doesn't like the show, and there's nothing else that makes the digital cable worthy. Sure, we have 500 stations to choose from, but, as somebody else has already said, there's nothing to watch.

Does he have plans to cancel the service? Of course not.

Adding insult to injury, we now have five remote controls cluttering the living room. One for the TV. One for the cable box. One for the DVD. One for the stereo. One that doesn't appear to go with anything. I never know which remote to use, and my recent idea of labeling the devices was met with a scoff.

It's so bad that the Remote Control Fairy - that mysterious visitor who hides remotes under couches in an attempt to frustrate and excite homeowners world-wide - doesn't even bother to visit. Too much stress.

Brian Evankovich resides in California where he's been living off of toxic waste for years. Just ask his other heads. Cards and letters to Brianevankovich@hotmail.com.


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